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That was admittedly terrible, but it's Friday, football is back, and we're serving up as much cheese as possible.
Let's be honest, all you care about are winners anyway. Every week, we'll bring you our favorite six-point, two-team teaser, with the standard -110 odds. Here's the winning play for Week 1.
Line: Washington +6
Teaser line: Washington +12
The Eagles have yet to play a snap in the 2020 season, but they're already reeling on the injury front - a continuation of an overwhelming theme from their 2019 campaign. Miles Sanders and Jalen Reagor are banged up, Alshon Jeffery is out, and the offensive line is in disarray. Left tackle Andre Dillard and Pro Bowl guard Brandon Brooks are out for the season, while Lane Johnson is questionable.
That's especially concerning against a terrific Washington defensive line - arguably the best Ron Rivera's had as a head coach - that will spend all afternoon in Carson Wentz's face. There will be growing pains for this Washington offense, but Dwayne Haskins is surrounded by an underrated skill group and enters the year with momentum after finishing the 2019 campaign strong: He recorded five touchdowns and just one interception while completing 65.7% of his passes over his final three starts.
With the Washington defense sure to keep things close - and ugly from an Eagles perspective - the offense will just have to be average to stay within this number. There's also a motivation factor for Washington following Rivera's cancer diagnosis. This team will leave it all on the field in Week 1, putting the shorthanded Eagles on upset watch.
Line: Colts -7.5
Teaser line: Colts -1.5
The biggest early-season concern for the Jaguars isn't necessarily a lack of talent - though that problem exists, too - but just how young this roster is. The defense is extremely green and untested, which is especially problematic in the wake of a shortened offseason and the absence of preseason football. It's going to take time for this team to mesh - perhaps more time than Doug Marrone will be afforded.
That's hardly an issue for the Colts, who possess a wealth of talent and experience on both sides of the ball. Indianapolis has one of the most well-rounded rosters in the NFL and the ultimate professional under center in Philip Rivers - who's arguably playing behind the best offensive line he's ever had. With the edge in experience and talent, superiority at quarterback, and a decided advantage at head coach, the Colts will cruise to a 1-0 start.
Full teaser: Washington +12, Colts -1.5 ($110 to win $100)
Alex Moretto is a sports betting writer for theScore. A journalism graduate from Guelph-Humber University, he has worked in sports media for over a decade. He will bet on anything from the Super Bowl to amateur soccer, is too impatient for futures, and will never trust a kicker. Find him on Twitter @alexjmoretto.