With a global pandemic suspending sporting events worldwide, athletes suddenly have tons of time on their hands. In the latest installment of our weekly soccer series, we look at how they've been keeping themselves entertained - and in shape - while self-isolating.
Liverpool veteran James Milner appears better equipped than most for dealing with the endless ennui of isolation, capitalizing on his "boring" reputation to construct a starting XI of household items.
After weeks of beans on toast, Czech attacking mid and lunchtime legend Patrik (Burger) looks a decent option with Mo (Salad) on the side. Hopefully, Milner will bin that Terry's Chocolate Orange now; chocolate and orange mix together about as well as John Terry and your ex-wife.
Conversely, Nolberto Solano isn't dealing with isolation well. The first Peruvian to play in the Premier League, Solano was detained after a neighbor in the capital city of Lima spotted the 45-year-old breaking mandatory curfew to attend a party.
But it turns out there might be more to this story than meets the eye. Solano said a local television show set him up in an incident broadcasted across the South American state that included police scaling walls and a groveling apology from the former Newcastle star. Stay home, Nobby.
Without the opportunity to level an opponent with a poorly timed tackle, Manchester City center-back Nicolas Otamendi stayed busy and helped his son put together a Lego Bugatti Veyron. Watch your step, El Mohicano.
Elsewhere with Manchester-based defenders, United's Victor Lindelof pimped his wife's fashion line with a dazzling sequined number. The swooping neckline cut obviously had Harry Maguire's monstrous melon in mind.
Ex-Wales and Nottingham Forest 'keeper Mark Crossley turned an attempt at the "Toilet Paper Challenge" into a laugh and a day of landscaping.
Yes, this is the same Pione Sisto who once confessed to a 21-day fruit-only diet that drew the ire of Celta in 2019.
Big-ups Real Madrid forward Marco Asensio for raising €140,000 for Spanish coronavirus charities by topping Leganes' Aitor Ruibal in the final of La Liga's FIFA 20 Challenge. Seems like a decent fella.
On the other hand, there's Shanghai SIPG striker Hulk.
In 2019, the Brazilian split with his wife of a dozen years to start a relationship with her niece. Excuse me? Well, the 33-year-old and his new missus reportedly tied the knot last week so she could get a Chinese visa.