'Everybody thinks we suck': Top quotes from SEC Media Days

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The first college football Saturday of the year is five weeks away, but July has brought us media days for various conferences, or as the coaches across the country call it, "talking season."

Although the SEC hasn't been represented in the national championship game for three years running, there's no question that it generates the best quotes off the field.

Here are the best quotes from this week's SEC Media Days in Tampa.

"He is the Adonis of all college football coaches." - Kirby Smart, Georgia

Smart's dry delivery has become one of the annual highlights of SEC Media Days, and the Georgia head coach didn't disappoint this time around. When an LSU reporter asked him about Lane Kiffin's trolling ability, Smart requested clarification before delivering one of the best lines of the week.

"If you do get married and you have an ex that your wife knows about, she doesn't ever end. She's never dead." - Pete Golding, Ole Miss

Golding's first SEC Media Days appearance received raucous reviews, with his thoughts on Kiffin's scheduled return to Ole Miss (Sept. 19) getting the most laughs.

"Everybody thinks we suck." - Shane Beamer, South Carolina

Win or lose, Beamer remains one of the best quotes in the SEC. The South Carolina head coach expressed bewilderment at the media's low expectations for his program next season despite the team returning a number of key contributors from last year's group, which was projected to finish near the top of the conference.

"You're lucky I'm not gonna throw this freakin' podium right now." - Jon Sumrall, Florida

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Sumrall, the new boss at Florida, certainly comes across as a no-nonsense, old-school coach, and that became glaringly apparent in his first SEC Media Days appearance. He delighted the crowd with this unfiltered comment to a reporter whose phone went off during his press conference.

"I'm a Florida resident now. ... I'm kind of a semi-Gator, so if you don't get your shit together, then I'm going to be in the middle of it." - Nick Saban

The legendary Saban is now a Florida man, having relocated from Tuscaloosa following his retirement. The seven-time national champion was on location covering SEC Media Days for ESPN and welcomed Sumrall to his new gig in classic Saban fashion.

"When I grew up there were two people that I thought just wouldn't die ... my dad and Hulk Hogan." - Lane Kiffin, LSU

Kiffin was perhaps the most anticipated speaker of the week, and the new LSU coach didn't disappoint with an opening statement that topped the 17-minute milestone. However, it took a question about his decision to leave Ole Miss for Baton Rouge for a Hulk Hogan reference to come out, with Kiffin talking about when he decided to stop sweating the small stuff following the passing of his father and the wrestling legend.

"It's like watching 'Step Brothers' sometimes." - Alex Golesh, Auburn

Golesh is another new SEC coach, as the former South Florida frontman joined Auburn after last season. The coaching change brought significant turnover to the Tigers' offense, while most of last year's defense remains intact. As a result, Golesh said Auburn's returning players and new faces have worked to coexist under the same roof - a situation he compared to the classic 2008 film.

"Whether it's the grocery stores being fully stocked with mustard or our sports stores making sure that they've got reinforcements on the golf balls, hopefully Knoxville is ready for his arrival." - Josh Heupel, Tennessee

Tennessee's Heupel became another source of Kiffin-related content after being asked about the former Volunteers coach visiting Knoxville in November. Kiffin's brief Tennessee tenure - and abrupt departure - left him as the most hated man in the state. During his first trip back to Neyland Stadium in 2021, scorned Vols fans jeered Kiffin by pelting the field with mustard bottles and golf balls. It appears Heupel is hoping for a similar reception this fall.

"Because of me." - Will Stein, Kentucky

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Stein apparently paid attention to Indiana head coach Curt Cignetti's 2023 press conference in which he dropped the epic quote, "I win - Google me." When asked why he thinks the Wildcats can finally compete with the best of the SEC, the new Kentucky head coach pointed to none other than himself.

"I show them our trophy case and it's empty." - Mike Elko, Texas A&M

If you look up "football coach" in the dictionary, you might find a photo of Elko next to it. The Texas A&M boss is about as straightforward as it gets, making his response to how he keeps players motivated both on-brand and incredibly funny.

"John Wayne rode after he had been shot. He turned out all right." - Eli Drinkwitz, Missouri

Perhaps the best story from SEC Media Days came early Monday when Missouri's Drinkwitz told reporters that star running back Ahmad Hardy had been medically cleared after being shot in the offseason. Hardy, who's still five-to-eight weeks away from returning to game action, is an avid horseback rider. That allowed Drinkwitz to drop this gem for all the Western movie fans.

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