Imagining every NL team's free-agent pitch to Bryce Harper
Bryce Harper is 26 years old, a superstar athlete, and a free agent who's about to become an unimaginably rich man. The entire baseball world sits at his feet.
We took a shot on behalf of everybody in baseball and imagined what each team's pitch to Harper might look like. Today, we're letting the National League franchises try and woo Harper. You can check out what the 15 American League clubs had to say here.
Arizona Diamondbacks
Who's in the room: Owner Ken Kendrick, president Derrick Hall, GM Mike Hazen, manager Torey Lovullo, special assistant/D-Backs Hall of Famer Randy Johnson, Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman
The pitch: Bryce, we don't have to sell you on life in the desert because you grew up in Las Vegas. That's just a little bit up the road, you know - and that's one thing we can offer you that nobody else can. We're the closest you're going to get to playing in your hometown, since we're only a one-hour flight away - and that's literally one hour, as Sky Harbor Airport is right down the street from Chase Field. You could go home every night if you wanted!
If you join us in Arizona, you're going to have it all. Comfort and convenience, family, and a fantastic environment to play in - just ask Randy here about how great it is to win with the Diamondbacks. And yes, we just traded Paul Goldschmidt, but that's only opened the door for you to become the catalyst for our franchise's quick turnaround. You replacing Goldy in the lineup is the final piece - and when we do win, you can bring that trophy home to Vegas, where Mayor Goodman here will throw you a second parade. Did we mention your hometown is really close to us?
Atlanta Braves
Who's in the room: Chairman Terry McGuirk, GM Alex Anthopoulos, manager Brian Snitker, first baesman Freddie Freeman, senior vice-president Hank Aaron
The pitch: You saw our team up close this year. We beat you and the Nats 10 times to steal the NL East. Impressive, no? Now imagine what we could do with you, Freddie, Josh (Donaldson), and Ronald (Acuna Jr.) anchoring this lineup together for many years to come. Think about how much you love hitting in SunTrust Park - .315/.471/.667 with five homers in 70 PAs. We built this place for you. This could be your home for a long, long time. Imagine what your career might look like playing half of your games here with this kind of protection. If you want to control the NL East again, you'll come to Atlanta and follow in Hank's footsteps as an all-time great Brave.
Chicago Cubs
Who's in the room: Fellow Las Vegas native and good friend Kris Bryant, president Theo Epstein, manager Joe Maddon, Cubs superfan Eddie Vedder. Only Bryant speaks.
The pitch: Bryce, how long have we known each other? How long have we been talking about playing together in the majors, man? I can't believe this is so close to reality. You know that we aren't the Cubs of old anymore - we win now. Come on over and help us get back on top. A three-headed monster of you, me, and Rizz (Anthony Rizzo) for the next decade would be unstoppable. We'll make bobbleheads of you and your dog, Wrigley - seriously, how can you have a dog named Wrigley and not do this? It's a match made in heaven and you know it.
Cincinnati Reds
Who's in the room: Owner Bob Castellini, first baseman Joey Votto, franchise icons Johnny Bench and Barry Larkin, Reds fans George Clooney and David Letterman
The pitch: You can't think of baseball without thinking of Cincinnati. The first professional team. The "Big Red Machine." Joey, your future teammate. We could go on. We know you love Ohio - by the way, this contract will also give you free Buckeye gear and an on-demand limo to Columbus any time you'd like - so this is a perfect fit.
Anyway, our turnaround as a franchise is starting now, and it's starting with you joining Joey to form a Hall of Fame duo atop our lineup in the National League's best hitter's park not named Coors Field. Every star should get to experience winning in a Reds uniform, and now you'll get to see why. Our time is just starting to arrive.
Colorado Rockies
Who's in the room: Manager Bud Black, GM Jeff Bridich, third baseman Nolan Arenado, Rockies icon Todd Helton, Denver sports champions Peyton Manning and Joe Sakic
The pitch: Ever imagine what your raw numbers would look like if you played 81 home games 5,200 feet above sea level? Of course you have. So come find out for yourself and spend the next decade raking at Coors Field. Denver isn't only a quick flight home to Las Vegas, but one of America's coolest cities. Once you sign here, you'll quickly find that Colorado is the home you've been looking for.
Los Angeles Dodgers
Who's in the room: Part-owner Magic Johnson, manager Dave Roberts, pitcher Clayton Kershaw, elderly cheerleader Tommy Lasorda
The pitch: You're the biggest name in baseball, Bryce. And do you know where the biggest names in the world belong? Hollywood.
Being a superstar in Los Angeles is just different. Your legend and your image will grow here by leaps and bounds. You want to remake "Space Jam" with baseball players? It's L.A., we'll make it happen. National endorsements? You got it. Bryce, you're a Hollywood personality, a superstar, and this is where superstars belong.
And oh, by the way, we're the two-time defending National League champions, have boatloads of money, and we will stop at nothing to bring a World Series back to Dodger Stadium. Hollywood is at your feet, Bryce. What are you waiting for?
Miami Marlins
Who's in the room: CEO Derek Jeter, president Michael Hill, Miami-area musician Pitbull
This is the city you want to be seen in. And this is the city you want to win in. Yes, winning may not come immediately, but after you lend us some credibility by signing here, everyone will want to flock to South Beach. You've got flash and flair on the field, qualities that you share with our city and our team - we love sizzle, bat flips, and energy; it's a match made in heaven. And the best part of all this is that we're not like any of the Marlins' old owners. We can now guarantee that you won't be traded and we won't tear this all down a year from now. This is your franchise, your city, and teal is "your colores."
Come be "Miami Bryce." Hey, that's got a nice ring to it.
Milwaukee Brewers
Who's in the room: Owner Mark Attanasio, GM David Stearns, manager Craig Counsell, outfielder Ryan Braun, football star Aaron Rodgers, freakishly tall man Giannis Antetokounmpo
The pitch: We might be the smallest market in baseball, but Milwaukee's about to hit the big time. In addition to getting all the support in the world from a fantastic owner and great fans, you'll get to enjoy all that our underrated city has to offer, including a fantastic architecture museum that will grant you and your family free admission. We'll let you run in the sausage race once a year. And most importantly, you'll win. We haven't had a championship parade in downtown Milwaukee in a while, but we're awfully close to one now. After your parade is over, we'll build your statue and place it right next to the bronze likeness of Arthur Fonzarelli, who you'll surpass to become Wisconsin's coolest dude ever. Ayyyyyyyy, that's a sweet deal!
New York Mets
Who's in the room: GM Brodie Van Wagenen, manager Mickey Callaway, retired Mets luminaries David Wright, Mike Piazza, and Tom Seaver, celebrity fan Jerry Seinfeld
The pitch: OK, Bryce, you win. We can't take it anymore. For the last seven years, you've caused the entire borough of Queens great pain and anguish by teeing off on our pitching and raking at Citi Field.
So how about you come help us out now?
You know what kind of pitching you're going to play behind if you join the Mets. You know our ballpark well, you know this division well, and you know our fans well. But do you know what it's like to win in New York? Because there is nothing on earth like it. And winning with the Mets is even better. You win here in Flushing and you'll have a legacy in this city that can never be touched, as well as a unique spot among the all-time Mets greats. We'll even let you keep your beard the whole time!
This isn't the Mets you've played against, is our point. We've made a huge push already this winter and we're not about to stop now. We're ready to take back the NL East, Bryce, and we're ready to take back New York City. You in?
Philadelphia Phillies
Who's in the room: Owner John Middleton, GM Matt Klentak, manager Gabe Kapler, retired Phillies icons Mike Schmidt, Jimmy Rollins, and Chase Utley, the Phillie Phanatic and Gritty, each holding giant sacks of money
The pitch: We know you love to hit at Citizens Bank Park - we're actually painfully aware of this fact. You know we have the money. We've already traded for one All-Star and we aren't about to stop spending for more of them. So what's not to like here? We'll pair you with superstars, we'll provide you with the winning you crave, and we'll make you a hero to the most passionate group of sports fans on this planet. Experience Philly from this side of the fence, Bryce. There's nothing on earth like it.
Pittsburgh Pirates
Who's in the room: Manager Clint Hurdle, GM Neal Huntington, popular Pittsburghers Mario Lemieux, Sidney Crosby, and Ben Roethlisberger
The pitch: How does hitting into a 321-foot right-field porch for the next decade sound to you? We can already see that's got you thinking. Here in Pittsburgh, we've got the finest ballpark in the land, unlimited Primanti Brothers sandwiches, and the chance for you to revitalize our city's oldest franchise in a town that lives and breathes sports. And if you do this, we'll actually have a reason to start spending some money. Come take a chance on us.
San Diego Padres
Who's in the room: GM A.J. Preller, first baseman Eric Hosmer, Padres greats Dave Winfield and Trevor Hoffman
The pitch: It's San Diego, man. America's finest city. Who doesn't want to live here?
But seriously, we can offer you more than just incredible weather and fish tacos. We've got the best farm system in baseball, and they're about to graduate to the show, so you're getting in on the ground floor. Eric saw this last winter and jumped at the chance. San Diego is also a military town, and we know that you love honoring our true heroes - we'll give you every opportunity to expand your reach in working with our veterans. Plus, we're close to Las Vegas - round-trip flights home on any off-day you'd like! And did we mention the weather and fish tacos? Ours is a package that you know is too good to beat.
San Francisco Giants
Who's in the room: President Farhan Zaidi, manager Bruce Bochy, players Buster Posey and Madison Bumgarner, baseball great Willie Mays
The pitch: Everybody seems to be counting us out right now, Bryce, but the straight truth is this golden era of Giants baseball isn't dead yet. We've simply been retooling and the injury bug hit us. So not only have we won recently and plan to win again with you, Madison, and Buster for a long time, but we'll give you all the cultural advantages that San Francisco has to offer. You already love this city; you've shown it countless times on social media. Our laid-back vibe just fits you perfectly off the field. Speaking of which, did you hear the Warriors are moving in next door? Kevin Durant loves our vibe too. You guys can hang out together! You can see why joining our historic franchise in your favorite city really is the best possible fit.
Oh, and by the way, we went ahead and non-tendered Hunter Strickland for you last week. Consider that a little signing bonus.
St. Louis Cardinals
Who's in the room: President John Mozeliak, manager Mike Shildt, franchise icons Ozzie Smith and Yadier Molina, rapper Nelly
The pitch: We know that Nelly already pitched you on some of the virtues of living in St. Louis, so now it's time to talk baseball.
This is baseball heaven. St. Louis is a baseball city through and through, and you can't understand that until you get here. Remember when we rented Mark McGwire in 1997? He quickly signed on for longer and never left. Ditto Matt Holliday a few years ago. Paul Goldschmidt doesn't know yet, but he's about to do the same thing. Wearing our uniform just feels different, as you'll quickly learn. Yes, other clubs have history, but we have the community and passion you've been longing for alongside the rich heritage. You can't find that anywhere else.
With no NFL team in St. Louis anymore, it's just us in the summer and October. So here's the cash, the no-trade clause, the commitment to winning, and the chance to own baseball heaven for the rest of your life.
Washington Nationals
Who's in the room: The Lerner family, manager Dave Martinez, GM Mike Rizzo, longtime teammates Ryan Zimmerman, Stephen Strasburg, and Max Scherzer, Washington D.C. mayor Muriel Bowser
The pitch: We don't have to pitch you on what you know, Bryce. This has been your home, and it should continue to be your home. You know that D.C. was without a baseball team for almost 40 years and then you resurrected the sport here. You also know that this city is dying to win its first World Series since the Coolidge administration. You watched the Capitals hoist the Cup back in June. We don't have to tell you how we treat winners in this town.
We can pay you the money. We've proven already that we're willing and able to spend money to improve the team around you when required. So it comes down to this: What do you want your legacy in Washington to be, Bryce? Do you really want to walk away from what you've helped create here and miss out on what's to come? This is already your franchise, and now you can make sure it's yours forever. Stay the course - don't make a choice that you'll come to regret.