NHL Power Rankings - Week 2: Penguins move up to No. 7, Avalanche fall to No. 21

1. Los Angeles Kings

With super-clutch goaltender Jonathan Quick struggling out of the gate and Marian Gaborik already nursing an injury, everything is pretty much going according to plan for the defending Stanley Cup champions.

2. St. Louis Blues

Prized free-agent acquisition Paul Stastny took a knee-on-knee hit from Dan Girardi and was nearly injured in his very first game with the Blues.

Luckily Stastny was okay, but if he'd been seriously hurt, that would've topped the time Brett Hull brought his own pizza to the executive suite as the Blues-est thing ever:

3. Chicago Blackhawks

Since scoring 12 NHL goals in 2009-10, Blackhawks forward Dan Carcillo hasn't scored that many in four seasons - combined. Technically he did so Saturday, but that goal came against the Buffalo Sabres so it doesn't really count as an "NHL goal."

4. Tampa Bay Lightning

When Lightning defenseman Victor Hedman, who currently has a share of the lead in NHL scoring, was left off the 2014 Swedish Olympic team, Swedish hockey federation president Par Marts explained that Hedman didn't excel at any one facet of the game. 

Well, except for being a 6-foot-6 smooth-skating defenseman who does everything well. That seems pretty cool. 

5. San Jose Sharks

Life's three inevitabilities: death, taxes, and the Sharks piling up wins in the regular season before falling short in the playoffs.

6. Boston Bruins

Demoted tough guy Bobby Robins never even got the opportunity to do what made his predecessor Shawn Thornton so successful: play on a team with two really good centers.

7. Pittsburgh Penguins

Through their first two games of the season, the Penguins are way in the black by goals for and shot attempt differential, though based on their organizational color-blindness - it's yellow, not gold - they'd prefer us to say they're way in the anthracite.

8. Minnesota Wild

More Mild than Wild for most of their existence, Minnesota did this to the Colorado Avalanche on opening night:

(Courtesy: War-on-Ice)

It was the first time in history the Wild caused anyone to flatline for a reason other than watching Minnesota Wild hockey (circa 2000-2013).

9. Anaheim Ducks

During the season opener, the Ducks broadcast said that Pittsburgh-native John Gibson idolized Marc-Andre Fleury growing up, which explains why he gave up six goals at the Consol Energy Center.

10. New Jersey Devils

The Devils' stable of quality young defensemen are making New Jersey's geriatric forward group look pretty good this season. Arguably nothing has made a senior citizen look better since the script for "The Rock."

11. Dallas Stars

Forget Thor's brother, Stars captain Jamie Benn is the real wrecking ball:

"All he ever did was wreh-eh-ehck me."

12. Montreal Canadiens

Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban is mentoring young Habs defenders Jarred Tinordi and Nathan Beaulieu this season, which is great since Subban is apparently the NHL's most committed tooter. 

13. New York Islanders

Thanks to Garth Snow's aggressive moves this summer, the New York Islanders skipped from woeful to seriously dangerous in much the same way you skipped through these power rankings to read where we slotted your favorite team.

14. Columbus Blue Jackets

How did Blue jackets netminder Sergei Bobrovsky celebrate this birthday? From an interview he gave to Allesandro Seren Rosso of The Hockey Writers this week:

Nothing special. My wife Olga cooked a tasty cake, we had a dinner at home and drank some tea.  

Ain't no party like a Bobrovsky party! Hey! Ho!

15. New York Rangers

It was revealed in a recent Rangers Snapchat that center Derek Stepan is still too injured to wear shoes. Also that veteran winger Martin St. Louis wears skinny jeans:

How does a man with thighs like these ... 

... find a pair of skinny jeans that fit? 

Very expensively. 

16. Arizona Coyotes

Based on his performance against Los Angeles on Saturday, Devan Dubnyk could be the next Mike Smith for the Arizona Coyotes. 

Which would be great if the Coyotes hadn't already handed Smith a big fat contract, making him - potentially - the next Ilya Bryzgalov.

17. Washington Capitals

Barry Trotz was a couple of shootout losses and some better seat selection away from a perfect first week on the job in Washington, D.C.:

Clearly he should've Satan a different spot.

18. Detroit Red Wings

Red Wings coach Mike Babcock recently compared his relationship with general manager Ken Holland to his relationship with his wife, which is odd since Babcock and his wife seem happily married. 

19. Vancouver Canucks

With convincing victories over the Calgary Flames and the Edmonton Oilers this week, the Vancouver Canucks proved they're still capable of winning the Northwest Division. If only it still existed.

20. Ottawa Senators

David Legwand went to the wrong penalty box in his first game back in Nashville. 

(Courtesy: Fox Sports)

Perhaps he can borrow Chris Neil's map.

21. Colorado Avalanche

The Colorado Avalanche took their incredible six-on-five success too far when they put a sixth skater out on the ice in the first period of a game against the Bruins this weekend:

Makes sense that the Avalanche can't be bothered with simple counting. It's not like math really captures why they're so good anyway, right?

22. Toronto Maple Leafs

The Leafs have played four games. Their season was over after two of them, and saved after beating the Avalanche in overtime Tuesday.

23. Nashville Predators

If Nashville could play every game against teams that employ Jared Cowen and Anders Lindback, the Predators might be a half-decent offensive team. 

24. Philadelphia Flyers

The Flyers are a likely playoff team in the same way that new NHL Department of Player Safety employee Chris Pronger is an active player on Long-Term Injured Reserve. 

25. Winnipeg Jets

Jets center Bryan Little has scored three goals on his first nine shots, so now he knows what it's like to play against the Winnipeg Jets.

26. Florida Panthers

A question: If an NHL team sucks in Broward County, Fla., and no one is around to see them ...

... do they really suck? 

27. Edmonton Oilers

In losses to the Kings, Canucks and Calgary Flames this past week, Oilers defenders were so turned around they occasionally found themselves in the right position.

28. Calgary Flames

The Calgary Flames' AHL affiliate drew criticism this week for debuting a mascot, named Scorch, with a video in which he appeared to harm a local firefighter:

An AHL affiliate making news that overshadows its parent club scratching $5.25-million defenseman Dennis Wideman, playing $3.125-million center Matt Stajan on its fourth line, and losing its top prospect to shoulder surgery? 

That's not worthy of criticism, it's bloody brilliant!

29. Carolina Hurricanes

On Tuesday, the Carolina Hurricanes dressed a first line that included Jiri Tlusty, Elias Lindholm, and Victor Rask. That trio isn't scaring anybody. Well, except for Buffalo Sabres general manager Tim Murray, who saw that line and was like:

30. Buffalo Sabres

How bad are the Sabres? Well, when head coach Ted Nolan said his team played like a "pee-wee team" during a blowout against the Anaheim Ducks on the weekend, the reaction was, "Dude, that's not really fair to pee-wee teams."