Every Sunday, theScore's most discerning minds highlight the week's lighter moments from around the basketball universe. Here's what caught our eyes this week.
Be warned: Weird Week contains coarse content. It's got a real dirty sound, sort of like a rusty steak knife cutting through a well-aged steak.
If it feels like we've been picking on the intermittently lovable Shaquille O'Neal a lot these days, it's because we are. Like a lead-footed big man unable to switch the pick, Diesel's lumbering commentary feels like the product of a bygone era.
Here's reigning WNBA Defensive Player of the Year and newly signed Chicago Sky forward Candace Parker applying some kryptonite to Superman:
And part deux:
At least Shaq had an excuse for not watching Thursday's slate of games since he apparently spent the evening getting the crap knocked out of him on AEW Dynamite.
This gives a whole new meaning to "load management" and is another great reason to wear a mask.
It sure didn't seem like Jamal Murray recognized former teammate Richard Jefferson's voice in a recent postgame interview:
Murray hasn't been caught this off guard since accidentally posting a picture of his, er, "Blue Arrow" on Snapchat.
Pelicans perimeter threat/Twitter user Nicolo Melli joined Nickeil Alexander-Walker and Zion Williamson in the Rising Stars game last year. Melli, who's putting up 2-2-1 for the Pels, was the odd man out this season after his teammates received selections again (for an event that's not even taking place).
Hard not to feel for Melli, who wasn't picked for an International Team that features soon-to-be-30-year-old Facundo Campazzo and Celebrity Game mainstay Win Butler from Arcade Fire (probably).
Larry Nance Jr. is the subject of trade interest, and while former teammate Channing Frye wouldn't offer "two broken shoelaces and a booger" for the versatile forward, Nance was quick to refresh Frye's spotty memory.
Are "two broken shoelaces and a booger" the next Bitcoin? Who knows.
Speaking of NBA players on social media, Trail Blazers star Damian Lillard is up there with Kevin Durant as one of the league's most candid Twitter users. Lillard's refreshing and transparent online demeanor is perhaps why the following tweet stands out.
Considering Lillard and his wife just had twins, a little extra coin couldn't hurt, and at least he conveyed the sponsor's message more organically than Suns center Deandre Ayton famously did in 2018.
Still, nothing tops Markelle Fultz on draft day 2017.
Selected first overall by the (City) (team name), Fultz shilled for a watch company with timepieces on both wrists and the look of somebody on the wrong side of a hostage situation.
"Please, just do whatever Tissot asks; I'm scared."
Despite commissioner Adam Silver and Atlanta mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms issuing warnings, All-Star weekend will remain as festive as ever. Filipino hoops legend Andray Blatche is featuring prominently at one of the countless parties, this event hosted by Atlanta rappers 2 Chainz and Gucci Mane.
The former Nets big man will appear alongside Lil Wookie and The Whole Taliban Gang, who are presumably not affiliated with Chewbacca or the Afghanistan-based militants, respectively, and respectfully.
Come back next Sunday for more oddities, inanities, and obscenities from the wonderful world of basketball - and remember to send your nominations and submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.