Going holiday shopping: 8 gift ideas for NBA's most needy
While most sensible people have gotten their holiday shopping done already, there are plenty of NBA teams and players who still have long wish lists to see to.
Let's take a trip around the Association and find some gifts for those in need this season.
DeMarcus Cousins: A change of scenery
Cousins is one of the premier big men in the NBA, and perhaps the best center offensively. But despite his dominance on the court, the Kings are 176-329 (.349) in six-plus years of the Boogie era. Performance aside, Cousins has had his fair share of outbursts, resulting in numerous technical fouls, ejections, and suspensions, not to mention over $1 million worth of fines.
Though the All-Star has never sniffed the postseason nor enjoyed any sort of team success since joining the NBA, he showed he can be a well-behaved difference-maker on a good team this past summer when he won gold in Rio with Team USA. Get him out of Sac-town, STAT.
Toronto Raptors: A star power forward
The Raptors are really good - probably better than they've ever been - as a top-five team with a top-two net rating and the best offense in recorded history. And yet, with the Cavaliers still a clear cut above in the Eastern Conference, it's hard not to feel like the Raptors are spinning their wheels, with DeMar DeRozan squarely in his prime and Kyle Lowry approaching both unrestricted free agency and his 31st birthday.
Toronto needs another star to vault them into the Cavs' stratum, particularly one who can bolster its defense and versatility. With mobile, stretchy, switchable power forwards like Paul Millsap and Serge Ibaka stuck on mediocre teams and a few months from free agency, a swing-for-the-fences trade could be there for the making.
Boston Celtics: A blockbuster trade
Speaking of big trades, is this the year the Celtics finally pull the trigger on the blockbuster they've been teasing the past three years? The Nets are now tied for the worst record in the NBA, meaning the Celtics have an inside track on the No. 1 overall pick in the 2017 draft, which means they should be able to add a major difference-maker to their already strong core.
The thing about Boston's war chest of assets is that its contents are likely to bring diminishing returns. The Nets' pick that ultimately landed at No. 3 this summer, for example, was probably more valuable as a trade chip than their draftee, Jaylen Brown. Ditto for the picks they've used on James Young, Terry Rozier, and Guerschon Yabusele in recent drafts. Their window for a massive trade is far from closed, but it's shrinking all the time. They should have superstars directly in their sights, with an eye specifically to shoring up their defense and rebounding.
Neil Olshey: An amnesty clause
All indications point to this being a pipe dream, as details about the impending new collective bargaining agreement exclude the get-out-of-jail-free provision built into the last one. That's a major bummer for the Trail Blazers general manager, who needs the amnesty as badly as any executive in the league after committing a combined $200 million to Evan Turner, Allen Crabbe, Meyers Leonard, and Festus Ezeli this past offseason.
Crabbe has been about average, Turner has been a disaster, Leonard has a .366/.315 shooting line and a 7.4 PER, and Ezeli has yet to even suit up for a game and may undergo season-ending surgery. Meanwhile, the warm fuzzies from the Blazers' surprise 2015-16 season have all but evaporated as they've slumped to a 13-18 record while their defense hemorrhages points at the league's highest rate. Olshey could seriously use a clean slate.
George Karl and Phil Jackson: A pair of socks (to stuff in their mouths)
Usually a stocking stuffer is something you put in the stocking, but in this case, the stocking is the gift because it would behoove Karl and Jackson to put a sock in it. Both have made headlines recently for their inane comments about players.
Jackson referred to LeBron James' business partners as his "posse," which offended the superstar and his associates due to its negative racial connotations. The Zen Master later tried to make amends, but didn't actually apologize. Meanwhile, excerpts from Karl's upcoming book were made public Thursday, and it included some out-of-line remarks about players he used to coach. The former bench boss wrote that Carmelo Anthony and Kenyon Martin were devoid of a "father to show them how to act like a man."
Nerlens Noel: A place to play
The man whose name literally means Christmas would like nothing better than a reason to pack a suitcase this holiday season. Noel is right: he's too good to be playing eight minutes a night, and the 76ers just don't have room in their frontcourt to play him more than that on a consistent basis. That's why he's been on the trade block since the summer.
Unfortunately, the Sixers have yet to find a deal that suits them, and general manager Bryan Colangelo has said he'll sit on Noel unless and until he gets an offer he likes. Noel deserves better than to sit and stew on the Sixers' bench. He's showcased the ability to be a first-rate defensive big, and he could be contributing meaningfully to a contending team. Let's make it happen.
Dirk Nowitzki: A chance to retire with dignity
Nowitzki is nearing the end of what will no doubt be a Hall of Fame career. He's under contract 'til the end of next season (with a team option), though he could call it quits sooner if his body hurts too much to continue playing. His 7-foot, 245-pound frame isn't the only thing hurting, though.
The Dallas Mavericks are one of the worst teams in the league, and haven't made it out of the first round since winning their first title in 2011. They dismantled that squad and failed time and again to surround the German with a strong supporting cast. Now he's 38, lumbering around with a bum Achilles, and at risk of shutting it down for good. This is not how it's supposed to end for one of the greatest of all time.
Utah Jazz: A witch doctor
The Jazz can't seem to get healthy. As of the beginning of this week, Utah ranks fourth in man-games lost to injury with 76 and first in injury impact this season with a lost-VORP of 1.445. They've had key players out, with star Gordon Hayward sidelined for the start of the campaign and starting point guard George Hill missing significant time. Only five players on the roster have suited up in every game so far, and right now they're making do without four rotation guys.
It's a shame because the Jazz are a very good team - top 10 in both offensive and defensive rating, actually - and on pace to make their first postseason appearance in five years. At full strength, they could be dangerous, so let's hope they get there.