Every Tuesday, theScore will highlight the most outlandish moments from the wacky, sometimes daft, and perennially entertaining world of football. Here's what made us smile - or cringe - on the pitch this past week.
We'd like to thank canny wordsmith Coleen Rooney for teaching a clinic on how to build suspense. Wayne's better half took to Twitter last week to weave a tense tale of deceit that accused a fellow WAG of leaking fabricated stories to The S*n. And that person was...
Naturally, Twitter had a field day with Rooney's unmasking of Rebekah Vardy, and like a pig to shit, snitching savants The S*n ran countless stories on the feud without citing their own involvement.
As if anyone needed more reason to appreciate Coleen after she weathered Wazza's granny-shagging controversy, drunk driving conviction, and his litany of failed hair interventions that have taken like sod on asphalt.
Former Chelsea and Arsenal 'keeper Petr Cech might have a few puck bunnies on his heels after the Czech joined British hockey outfit Guildford Phoenix last week. He made his debut Sunday against the Swindon Wildcats.
With the game tied 2-2 following an uneventful overtime, Cech stymied the Wildcats in penalties. Without checking, Cech is now the first to save a penalty in the Champions League final and the National Ice Hockey League South 2.
It wouldn't be fair of us to highlight the countless gaffes of Besiktas' Loris Karius without acknowledging the calamitous errors of his netminding brethren. Take it away, Augsburg's Tomas Koubek.
On the topic of recurring themes, Japanese legend Keisuke Honda has gone from offering his pro bono services to Manchester United to engineering lopsided Cambodia defeats as a volunteer coach.
That 18-minute spell of defensive vigor in the second half of a historic 14-0 loss to Iran (all goals included above) provides a smidgen of hope for Honda and Co. Who are we kidding? No, it doesn't. At least thousands of Iranian women got to enjoy the match.
Barnsley sacked German tactician Daniel Stendel last Tuesday after failing to again turn The Tykes' muddied puddle water into something palatable just months after leading the club to Championship promotion.
A 21-word club statement is hardly a deserving ode for a man who made miracles happen at Oakwell, but thankfully for Stendel and assistant Chris Stern, some Barnsley supporters chipped in with some pints and tequila shots down at the local Garrison Bar. Bottoms up, lads.
In the annals of football managers caught by the voyeuristic lens of a distant camera, Italy boss Roberto Mancini's not-so-subtle attempt at dispensing chewing gum ranks far below Jogi Low's scratch-and-sniff showing.
"He'll never pay for a beer in this city again" is a common proverb bestowed upon sporting heroes, but in the case of Almere City's Shayon Harrison, it's the truth after the former Spurs man scored versus Go Ahead Eagles on Sunday.