The Banter Zone: El Clasico edition
Welcome to the Banter Zone, a weekly feature that sees a collection of theScore's footy editors debate the hot topics across the beautiful game. Before you take any of this too seriously, remember, it's all just banter.
This week, there is no hotter topic than the battle between eternal rivals Real Madrid and Barcelona.
Excluding Luis Suarez and Neymar, who will be the next player to score for Barcelona in La Liga?
Since Lionel Messi tore the internal collateral ligament of his left knee, all 16 of Barcelona's La Liga goals have been scored by either Luis Suarez or Neymar.
Michael Chandler: With just one goal in 10 years of top-flight European football since moving from Corinthians to West Ham in 2006, defender Javier Mascherano may seem like an abstract choice, but what better time to break the duck than against hated rival Real Madrid? There are few members of Luis Enrique's squad willing to put their neck on the line like the Argentine international, with Saturday presenting a brilliant opportunity to score his first for the Catalan side.
Daniel Rouse: Unlike Chandler, I'll be a bit realistic. How about Ivan Rakitic? The Croatian has overcome a calf injury and will be raring to go against the old foe. He hasn't exactly been prolific from midfield in this team, but the former Sevilla man is a fantastic talent and with his storming runs he has the knack of making those hard-to-detect late surges into the area. Real let in three last time out - including one from the fittingly named Ciro Immobile - so Rakitic is certainly capable of breaking the Los Blancos guard.
Carlo Campo: I'm genuinely surprised by Rouse's selection. My coworker and Mancunian friend is a passionate supporter of Manchester City, and it was Rakitic who essentially brought an end to the Citizens' 2014-15 Champions League adventure. I applaud his lack of bias. Moving on, I think it's safe to say that the next player to score for Barcelona in La Liga will be Messi, once he returns from injury. For some reason, no one, aside from Suarez and Neymar, can find the back of the net in the Argentinian phenom's absence.
What is the best goal in the history of El Clasico?
There are plenty of fantastic strikes to trawl through in the 229 competitive matches between the pair.
Campo: Let's throw it back to 2000, a time when the planet was resting easy after fears that computers would enslave the human race and when Roberto Carlos was scoring free-kicks that defied the laws of physics.
Chandler: Gareth Bale, the world's most expensive footballer, had something to prove at the tail end of his first season with Real. A delicious individual goal against hated rival Barcelona to win the Copa del Rey with little more than five minutes left at the Mestalla in Valencia inspired both fans and club president Florentino Perez, who wiped away his tears of joy with a €100 note before burning it as a show of solidarity for the dire state of Spanish unemployment.
Rouse: While Bale was like a freight train and showed great strength to shrug off Marc Bartra as he homed onto the Barca net, Ronaldinho bewildered the opposition with his speedy dancing feet in 2005. He scored a similar effort shortly afterwards in a dazzling performance which earned him a standing ovation from the Bernabeu's home support - a rare show of admiration from fans of such a hated rival.
What is the worst piece of Real Madrid business completed in the last 20 years?
Los Blancos have traditionally strived to buy the very best talent in world football, but this has led to some questionable transfer activity.
Rouse: Jan. 4, 2003, Thomas Gravesen was shamefully hauled off during halftime at Shrewsbury Town's old Gay Meadow ground. Rather than the shaven-headed midfield bully he was supposed to be for Everton, he more closely resembled a disorientated Uncle Fester as he was overrun by an opposition en route to non-league football. Two years after that FA Cup loss, the Dane was snapped up by Real Madrid. His most notable contribution at the club actually came on the training pitch where, if it wasn't for an intervention from Julio Baptista and others, Robinho was going to get a good punching after a disagreement.
Campo: It took one fixture for Jonathan Woodgate to establish himself as Real Madrid's worst-ever bit of business. Unable to make his debut for 516 days because of injury, he finally featured for Los Blancos on Sep. 22, 2005 and proceeded to score one hell of an own goal before being sent off. After the match, Woodgate declared: "Fuck me, what a debut!" What a debut, indeed.
Chandler: Industrial-sized vat of Nutella and elasticated maternity pants in tow, oft-rotund Antonio Cassano, the Cassanata Ferrari from Bari, joined Real in 2006 and immediately became the ire of manager Fabio Capello. It seems Fabio and Flabio could not see eye-to-eye, and even his brief glimmers of talent on the pitch were not enough for Ramon Calderon, who typified the end of Cassano's tenure as "unsustainable in the last couple of months." Cassano once told an Italian radio station he'd fancy to "walk all the way back" to rejoin Roma, where he'd likely fail his physical for lacking match fitness. With the second chapter of an underwhelming career on the horizon, we'll Tira-miss-u, Antonio.