10 reasons the Canadiens' Game 5 victory over the Rangers was bananas

Tuesday May 27th, 2014, mark it down. The day we discovered Gwen Stefani has a time machine, because she clearly traveled to the future and wrote the “b, a-n a-n a-s” portion of “Holla Back Girl” about Game 5 between the Rangers and Canadiens in Montreal. Mankind will never be the same.

Sean Gentille of The Sporting News summed the game up best when he wrote “Game 5 of the Eastern Conference finals, to paraphrase Stefon, had EVERYTHING — a blown three-goal lead, illegal hits, great plays, a minor announcer argument and, most relevant, a result that guarantees a Game 6.”

So, just what was so b, a-n a-n a-s?

Here are 10 things.

1) Rene Bourque scored three times

Rene Bourque played 63 regular season hockey games for the Montreal Canadiens, skating an average of 14:11 per game. In exchange for that privilege, he provided them with nine (9) hockey goals.

He provided a third of that output in one playoff game last night, during his 12:21 of ice time. He’s now second in playoff goals with eight. That s*** is bananas, b, a-n a-n a-s.

2) King Henrik got the yank

There was much pre-series ado about Lundqvist’s Bell Centre struggles, but he proved he just had some bad luck in the past by stone-walling the Canadiens in Games 1 and 2. Then the demons came back with avengence in Game 5, as King Henrik lasted only 27 minutes. He gave up four, and...something called a Cam Talbot came in?

3) 1980s goaltending

But wait, there’s more! A Cam Talbot/Dustin Tokarski showdown in the Eastern Conference Final looked, for a bit, like you’d expect. The game went from 4-1 to 4-4 to 7-4 by the end thanks to (I assume) Gwen Stefani travelling back in time to pick up, I dunno, let’s say Allan Bester and Ken Wregget. That led to a six goal period, which is a capital Not Common in NHL playoff hockey.

4) Derek Stepan’s two goals

Yesterday I wrote about the difficulty of playing with a jaw protector on, in which I included the words “Stepan could score three tonight.” I didn’t believe that, but just felt like covering my butt in case he did something remarkable. And, he damn near did. Two goals with a jaw protector on a few days removed from surgery...wow. Stick-tap to Alan Bester on the first one.

5) Plekanec’s “diving” penalty

Tomas Plekanec gave the ‘ol “head snap back” move on a stick that didn’t touch him (again), and the refs caught the poor acting. That powerplay got the Rangers back to even at four. Chris Kreider scored, who managed a four point night in a loss. That should be a sub-header of its own.

6) Alain Vigneault’s early goalie pull

And we’re not talking Lundqvist. With over four minutes remaining in the third, Rangers head coach Alain Vigneault pulled Talbot for the extra attacker, and before you could turn to your friend and say “I kinda like this mo-” the puck was in the Rangers net (David Desharnais scored, snapping a 13 game drought in the process). Sometimes you roll the dice and crap out, it happens.

7) Moore on Weise

Often that sub-header will read “Moron Weise,” but today it refers to John Moore, whose game-long battle with Dale Weise culminated in a blindside headshot that earned him a meeting with the NHL’s Department of Player Safety. He’ll get suspended. It was a “Moore on” move (I’ll see myself out).

8) Dorsett’s headbutt

Derek Dorsett went partial-Kaleta (going full-Kaleta is a criminal offense in some states) and delivered a late-game headbutt to Mike Weaver. It wasn’t suspension-worthy, but it was still odd, and shall we say...impish? Not exactly the word I’d like to use here, but for my employment’s sake, we’ll go with “impish.”

9) Subban’s kiss

P.K. Subban was so happy with Dustin Tokarski after the win, he gave him a big ‘ol smoocheroo.

Sure, why not.

And finally,

10) The bonus stuff

I missed a few things, but it appears Sean Gentille didn’t. Apparently there was a monkey knife fight at center, an arm-wrestling match, a dog fighting the monkeys, and a misplaced Kings scouting report that turned up. Check out The Sporting News’ take on the crazy game that was here.