Oregon fires Helfrich, then turns into Taylor Swift in the announcement
Oregon fired Mark Helfrich on Tuesday, confirming what many outlets had been reporting for a couple of days, and then proceeded to do its best Taylor Swift impression in one of the strangest official announcements in recent memory.
The famous pop star has made a career out of taking subtle shots at ex-boyfriends in songs following a breakup, and Oregon pulled that off with flawless execution after their decision.
Twitter immediately blew up with wonderment as to what the heck was going on:
The Oregon press release on Helfrich's dismissal doesn't used the words "we sucked so he's gone" but it comes pretty close.
— Ryan McGee (@ESPNMcGee) November 30, 2016
Jeez, this Oregon press release just throws Helfrich under the bus over the last 4 paragraphs. Don't let the door .. https://t.co/Dyb9BvKa3X pic.twitter.com/sIzi0d9z9j
— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) November 30, 2016
The writer of the article has since changed the story, and issued the following apology.
Edited my story on GoDucks FYI. Wasn't the time and place for more than a simple acknowledgement of the decision, with quotes. My apologies.
— Rob Moseley (@DuckFootball) November 30, 2016
With the apology and the change of wording, the manner has officially been swept under the rug, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun with the original copy right?
Here's three ways Oregon took shots at Helfrich in the initial announcement:
Shot 1: How about you recruit somebody decent?
"Helfrich helped recruit and groom quarterback Marcus Mariota, who won the 2014 Heisman Trophy while leading the Ducks to the title game. But the Ducks had to rely on graduate transfers entering both 2015 and 2016."
Translation:
You won because you had a college football legend at quarterback, yet have failed to recruit a capable high school pivot to Oregon. Since you failed at this, the program was left scrambling to fill the void with one-year graduate transfers.
Shot 2: What were you thinking?
"Oregon's first loss of 2016 was at Nebraska, a 35-32 defeat in which the Ducks went for two after all five of their touchdowns and converted once. The next week, Pac-12 play began with a loss to Colorado in which the Ducks allowed 41 points and threw an interception on a potential game-winning TD pass in the final minute."
Translation:
We loved the fact you went for the two-point conversion all the time when you won 10-plus games a year, but when you finish 4-8, it's a problem.
Shot 3: You got smoked this season
"The recently completed season also included one-sided losses to Washington (70-21), Southern California (45-20), and Stanford (52-27). An upset of No. 11 Utah on Nov. 19 kept alive Oregon's hopes of making a bowl despite a 5-7 record, but the loss in Corvallis ended that."
Translation:
Not only are we going to point out the fact that you lost a lot of games this season, we are going to list the actual scoreline to embarrass you further. Not only that, but we will actually refer to them as "one-sided losses" in the announcement. To top that off, we will mention the fact that you actually had a decent win over Utah that could garner the consolation prize of qualifying for a bowl game as a losing team, but that was dashed when you lost to our rival Oregon State.
Aftermath
Alas, Helfrich will now be paid an $11.6-million buyout for doing nothing the next three years, so while Oregon should be scolded for acting like a spurned lover, the coach is going to be okay.