Top Black Friday targets for every MLB team

Right now, at this very moment, people you know and love are trampling over other human beings to get 15 percent off an iPhone 7 or a new laptop, having been transformed from seemingly civilized members of society into rapacious, discount-hungry maniacs by those Black Friday deals.

And just like your aunt who needs the latest electronics, or your roommate who can't live without the newest Jordans, the top decision-makers for all 30 Major League Baseball teams have things they want to buy, too, on this blackest of Black Fridays. Let's take a look at what's likely at the top of their respective shopping lists.

Arizona Diamondbacks - Mark Melancon

Adding a shutdown closer won't make Arizona a good baseball team - shouts to Dave Stewart's stunning incompetence - but given the crazy hauls top relievers were commanding at last year's trade deadline, the Diamondbacks should add Melancon, who's not attached to draft-pick compensation, as a potential future trade chip.

Atlanta Braves - Doug Fister

Fister hasn't been good since 2014, but the Braves, who signed both Bartolo Colon and R.A. Dickey earlier this month, aren't really trying to be good next season, either. Like the two aforementioned quadragenarians, Fister - he of the 3.11 ERA (129 ERA+) from 2011 to 2014 - will command a modest one-year deal, affording the Braves a potential midseason trade asset with minimal risk.

Baltimore Orioles - Jose Bautista

With only two years to go before Manny Machado hits free agency, the Orioles can't afford to be stingy now. Rather than overpay for a mediocre starter, the homer-happy Orioles should invest further in their offense and pay up for Bautista, their longtime nemesis (and former employee) who not only has power, but also the on-base skills many of Baltimore's hitters lack.

Boston Red Sox - Rich Hill

It was in Boston that Hill, the erstwhile Sugar Land Skeeters ace, revived his major-league career two years ago, and despite Dave Dombrowski's claim that the Red Sox already have six starting pitchers for 2017, the reigning division champions could use him back. Because he's almost 37 and doesn't have much of a track record, Hill won't cost a ton of money (or a draft pick), but he still boasts a 2.00 ERA (202 ERA+) over his last 24 starts and would dramatically improve a rotation poised to feature Eduardo Rodriguez, Drew Pomeranz, and possibly Clay Buchholz.

Chicago Cubs - Aroldis Chapman

Fresh off their first World Series championship in more than a century, the Cubs don't really need to make any big additions, but they have the money to bring back Chapman, who fashioned a 1.01 ERA in 28 regular-season appearances with Chicago down the stretch, so they might as well outbid the Yankees for his services.

Chicago White Sox - Matt Holliday

Since they're not really committing either way to contending or rebuilding, the White Sox might as well make an incoherent addition like Holliday - a player whose contributions will likely be inconsequential and won't help the White Sox achieve any short-term or long-term goals.

Cincinnati Reds - Edinson Volquez

It's going to be another rough summer in Cincinnati. If nothing else, bringing back Volquez, an All-Star with the Reds in 2008, could evoke a bit of nostalgia and add one more major-league name to a mostly anonymous roster. Gotta give the fans some reasons to come out during a rebuild.

Cleveland Indians - Mark Melancon

The Indians came within one win of a World Series championship in 2016 thanks to their lights-out pitching staff, and their bullpen, in particular (and Andrew Miller, in very particular). Their offense was surprisingly good last year, but they're a run-prevention team, really, and could add another huge weapon to their arsenal by inking Melancon, a three-time All-Star who won't cost them a draft pick.

Colorado Rockies - Mike Napoli

As crazy as it sounds, the Rockies are going to try to contend in 2017 - they actually have a pretty decent lineup! - so there's simply no way Gerardo Parra can see regular time at first base. Napoli, who posted the 11th-highest fly-ball rate in the bigs last season, should get that job, as he'll likely command just a one-year deal and could hit 40 homers in that thin Denver air.

Detroit Tigers - Brad Ziegler

Rumors of Detroit's demise have been greatly exaggerated, and despite this alleged newfound desire to get younger and cut costs and blah blah blah, the Tigers still have Miguel Cabrera and Ian Kinsler and J.D. Martinez and a decent chance to win the AL Central in 2017. As always, though, they need help in the bullpen, and Ziegler - a ground-ball machine unencumbered by draft-pick compensation - is a nice fit.

Houston Astros - Rich Hill

Having already added Josh Reddick and Brian McCann this offseason, the Astros' lineup for 2017 is looking mighty fine. Now, they need to focus on reinforcing their rotation, and Hill, who leads all MLB starters (min. 130 IP) in park-adjusted ERA since the start of 2015, is the only free-agent starter who represents a clear upgrade over their in-house options.

Kansas City Royals - Michael Saunders

Their payroll isn't going up, per general manager Dayton Moore, but the Royals - stumbling to the end of their current competitive window - should expend whatever resources they do have on someone with some offensive upside after finishing third-last in the AL in runs scored in 2016. Given their financial constraints, Saunders, who managed a career-best .815 OPS and 24 homers last season, may be the best fit.

Los Angeles Angels - Justin Turner

The Angels spent themselves into the rut they're presently mired in, but with Mike Trout only four seasons from agency, they'll have to throw down more cash if they don't want to squander the two-time MVP's prime. That spree should start with Turner, who posted an .856 OPS in his three seasons in Hollywood.

Los Angeles Dodgers - Justin Turner

One of two key Dodgers players eligible to sign elsewhere this offseason, Turner is a big reason why Los Angeles won its division in each of the last three seasons, having averaged 4.3 WAR per year over that span, and Magic Johnson would be unwise to let him walk.

Miami Marlins - Yoenis Cespedes

Despite eking out the sixth-worst park-adjusted offense in the National League, the Marlins managed their best record since 2010 last season. Cespedes, the two-time All-Star who boasts an .876 OPS over the last two years, would not only bolster that lineup (and enable the Marlins to finally trade Marcell Ozuna), but also give the club's sizable Cuban fan base a reason to smile again following the tragic death of Jose Fernandez.

Milwaukee Brewers - Wilson Ramos

Back in July, the Brewers acquired two really good prospects for Jonathan Lucroy, so they definitely know how valuable it is having a good catcher on a below-market deal. That same opportunity exists in Ramos, who was an All-Star and hit .307/.354/.496 with 22 homers in 2016, but suffered a torn ACL in September that has likely depressed the market for his services.

Minnesota Twins - Sergio Romo

The Twins jumped back into talent-acquisition mode by adding Jason Castro, and their 2017 lineup, loaded with high-upside youngsters, is just about fully formed. Their bullpen, conversely, is not, and Romo, despite his home-run issues, still managed a 2.64 ERA with a 28.2 percent strikeout rate in 40 appearances last year.

New York Mets - Edwin Encarnacion

The Mets seem really keen to bring back Yoenis Cespedes, but they've already got Jay Bruce, Curtis Granderson, and Michael Conforto on the payroll. If they are, in fact, prepared to spend nine figures on one player this winter, Encarnacion is the better fit, seeing as he's pretty much the same hitter as Cespedes for less money, and would be a welcome upgrade over incumbent first baseman Lucas Duda.

New York Yankees - Aroldis Chapman

Yankees general manager Brian Cashman has made it clear he wants the hard-throwing Cuban back, and Chapman himself said this week he'd love to go back to New York. This is like a match made in a completely unaffordable Manhattan apartment.

Oakland Athletics - Jason Hammel

The A's did well picking up Rich Hill on the cheap last winter and flipping him for prospects, and they should try to do the same with their old pal Hammel, a solid, unspectacular starter that some contender will want at the 2017 trade deadline.

Philadelphia Phillies - Brad Ziegler

The absence of a solid ninth-inning option was an issue for the Phillies last year, even though the club had no intention of winning games, en masse. Ziegler, who has 52 saves and a 2.05 ERA over the last two seasons, would fill that need and give them a trade chip, too, potentially.

Pittsburgh Pirates - Derek Holland

If Andrew McCutchen's lousy 2016 was just an anomaly, and if they decide not to trade him this winter, the Pirates might actually be good this summer. Promising as it looks, however, their rotation is crazy young - at 26, Gerrit Cole is the resident senior - so Holland, once a fixture in Texas' rotation, could provide an experienced depth arm and possibly more if he responds to pitching coach Ray Searage's magic touch.

San Diego Padres - Joaquin Benoit

The Padres are going to be hilariously awful this year, by design, but bringing back Benoit, who dominated for San Diego from 2014 through 2015, would help stabilize the bullpen and possibly give A.J. Preller a piece to deal at the trade deadline.

San Francisco Giants - Kenley Jansen

Once an area of strength, the Giants' bullpen was a dumpster fire in 2016. Though they'd have to forfeit a draft pick to get him, signing Jansen, who owns a career 2.20 ERA and 88 percent save-conversion rate, would make close games a lot less stressful for the foreseeable future in San Francisco. It would be also be an epic trolljob of the Dodgers, their longtime rivals.

Seattle Mariners - Carlos Beltran

Propelled by the second-best offense in the American League (after adjusting for park effects), the Mariners came within three wins of their first playoff berth since 2001 last season. Though signing Beltran, who will likely require just a one-year commitment, would force the Mariners to move incumbent DH Nelson Cruz to the outfield on a full-time basis, it would also all but ensure Seattle remains among the game's top offensive clubs.

St. Louis Cardinals - Dexter Fowler

The Cardinals, perpetually in contention, need both a center fielder and a leadoff hitter competent enough to allow Mike Matheny to bat newfound power hitter Matt Carpenter in the middle of the lineup. Fowler, who hit .276/.393/.447 (129 wRC+) in 2016 and has a career 12.6 percent walk rate, is that player.

Tampa Bay Rays - Mark Trumbo

Notwithstanding their awful record, the Rays were actually pretty good in the second half of 2016, and they could be quite decent this season if their starters stay healthy. An infusion of power would be nice, though, and while Trumbo does come with draft-pick compensation attached to him, he's likely the only reliable power threat worthy of a longer-term deal that Tampa Bay can afford.

Texas Rangers - Edwin Encarnacion

With Prince Fielder sadly out of the picture, the Rangers have a big void at DH (to go along with their void at first base). Joey Gallo may or may not be able to handle one of those jobs, but, regardless, the reigning division champions should make a play for Encarnacion, owner of a .912 OPS since 2012, to capitalize on their competitive window and stave off the improved Astros.

Toronto Blue Jays - Jose Bautista

After clawing their way to a second straight playoff berth in 2016, and with an overwhelmingly veteran roster, the Blue Jays remain in win-now mode, even with Bautista and Edwin Encarnacion liable to sign elsewhere. Bautista's injury-riddled 2016 campaign, however, has likely depressed his market value to a price-point Toronto should be comfortable with, and, being only a year removed from star-level productivity, the 36-year-old still represents a sensible investment for the Blue Jays, a team looking to contend, even on a three-year deal.

Washington Nationals - Aroldis Chapman

If they really want to hang onto the 28th pick in the 2017 draft, they could try to work out a deal with Melancon, but the Nationals' competitive window isn't closing anytime soon, so they might as well go out and sign the better reliever who's also three years younger and throws 103 miles per hour.