5 brutally honest sales pitches from teams to Lincecum
Get your freak on, major-league teams.
Tim Lincecum, the 5-foot-11 right-hander who defied logic with his violent delivery and two Cy Youngs, made his highly anticipated return to the mound Friday when “The Freak” auditioned for more than 20 clubs during a comeback showcase.
Reportedly keen to remain a starter, the veteran right-hander sat at around 90 mph during his 41-pitch session, topping out at 92, and scouts were said to be pleased with his changeup and curveball. Assuming Lincecum can prove he’s capable of pitching at the major-league level, there’s a good chance several teams in need of rotation depth will be eager to sign the decorated champion.
So, how do you convince an eccentric pitcher like Lincecum to join your squad? If you’re one of these five rumored - and, in some cases, desperate - suitors, we suggest taking a brutally honest approach in your sales pitch:
Arizona Diamondbacks
We’re struggling, man. We traded away the top pick for a winless Shelby Miller with a 8.49 ERA, and our second-best position player is likely out for the season. We’ve got no prospects, money, and our damn pets’ heads are falling off. Chip’s trying to save his job, and frankly, so is Dave. We don’t even have the money to fly you in for a meeting - luckily your showcase was just around the corner.
Baltimore Orioles
Look, Freak, your medical records and our protocol mix like oil and water, but have you seen our pitching staff? We had a rough offseason after our infamous medical reviews cost us Dexter Fowler, and nearly derailed our deal for Yovani Gallardo. After Fowler’s agent put the organization on blast, we’re desperate for some good PR. Ironically, Gallardo is hurt, but we’ve lost all leverage in the matter. We’ll waive the medical review if you make Baltimore your next home.
Los Angeles Angels
Tim, we’re desperate. We just lost our best pitcher to Tommy John surgery, another key starter might soon join him, and columnists are calling for us to trade Mike Trout. Albert’s not getting any younger, and our farm system is thin on tradeable young talent. Our owner Arte Moreno wants to win a World Series, but he’s hesitant to spend more money to do it. Won’t you join us on a West Coast discount?
San Diego Padres
On paper, our rotation is full. It’s also not that good. Our best pitcher, Tyson Ross, remains injured, and our most accomplished ones (James Shields, Andrew Cashner), remain ineffective. You’ve fallen susceptible to the long ball in recent seasons, but our spacious park can help remedy that. We’re not having a very good year, but neither is the rest of our division. Help us put fans in the seats.
San Francisco Giants
Remember all those doubters when you entered the 2006 draft? Who was there waiting for you with the 10th pick in the first round? Where did you win back-to-back Cy Youngs and earn four straight All-Star appearances? Who helped put those rings on your fingers? We’ll admit it, back then, we needed you more than you needed us, but the tables have turned, Timmy. Sure, Cain and Peavy are struggling, but that doesn’t mean we can promise you a spot in our rotation. What we can almost promise is that we’ll win the World Series (because of the whole even-year thing), and that the Bay is the perfect place for you to re-establish your value on a one-year deal.
(Video courtesy: MLB.com)