Ranking every PyeongChang 2018 event

Though some events are already underway, having started prior to Friday's understated opening ceremony, let's be real: PyeongChang 2018 doesn't really start until the torch is lit. Now that the eyes of the world are firmly on South Korea - OK, maybe just the eyes of nations that actually get snow - it's time to examine every event that you will care desperately about for the next two weeks (before ignoring completely for another four years).

Here are the 15 Winter Olympic events, ranked.

15. Cross-country skiing

• Total disciplines: 12
• Marquee events: men's sprint classic, women's sprint classic, men's 50km mass start classic, women's 30km mass start classic

Cross-country skiing, across its various disciplines, might be the most physically demanding event at the Olympics. Heck, it's one of the most grueling sports on the planet; try skiing uphill if you require convincing, and watch your skepticism melt away.

But, while the rigors of the sport are undeniable, it simply doesn't lend itself to exciting viewing. There is variance between the disciplines, but none of the cross-country events will ever be mistaken for being must-see television. The mass start editions, where you can get thrilling overtaking down the stretch, take forever: four years ago in Sochi, the men's 50km gold medal was captured - and subsequently stripped from Russian Alexander Legkov - in 1:46:55.2; in the women's equivalent, the 30km freestyle, Norwegian icon Marit Bjoergen won gold after crossing the line in just over one hour.

Do you sit through the entire marathon during the Summer Games? Exactly.

Athletes to watch: Marit Bjoergen (Norway), Charlotte Kalla (Sweden), Johannes Hosflot Klæbo (Norway), Federico Pellegrino (Italy)

14. Ski jumping

• Total disciplines: 4
• Marquee events: men's large hill individual, women's normal hill individual

On the surface, ski jumping should be wildly popular. It's been around since the beginning of (Olympic) time - ski jumping was one of eight sports in the inaugural Winter Olympics in 1924 - and sees men, and finally, as of the 2014 Games, women skiing down a frightening ramp at 60-plus mph (nearly 100km per hour) before flying about the length of a football field through the air and trying to stick a landing on a steeply sloped hill.

It's the long jump, but, like, way cooler. Except for the judging element.

This event really should be a simple matter of who jumped the farthest - with points added or subtracted based on wind conditions - but instead, judges also award style points for form. If the jumpers were doing flips in midair, that would be one thing, but when the difference between a gold and silver medal could be one point deducted by a judge because someone's skis didn't create a perfect "V" shape, there's a problem.

Now, it's likely whoever jumps the farthest will ultimately be crowned the gold medalist - better, more aerodynamic form results in a longer distance covered - but the fact you could have a slightly shorter jump than a peer, and win out based on some vague "style" points is a huge red flag.

Athletes to watch: Noriaki Kasai (Japan), Kamil Stoch (Poland), Maren Lundby (Norway)

13. Nordic combined

• Total disciplines: 3
• Marquee event: individual Gundersen large hill/10km

Cross-country skiing is, frankly, boring as a spectator sport. Ski jumping, as discussed above, is an exciting (read: crazy) concept marred, at least somewhat, by the judging element. How can we make these flawed sports more exciting? By combining them ... said no one, ever.

Athletes to watch: Akito Watabe (Japan), Eric Frenzel (Germany)

12. Biathlon

• Total disciplines: 11
• Marquee events: men's 20km individual, women's 15km individual, men's 12.5km pursuit, women's 10km pursuit

Remember everything we said earlier about how insanely difficult cross-country skiing is? Good. Now take all of that - the lactic acid buildup, the rapid heart rate, the muscle fatigue - and try, in an instant, to steady yourself, calm your breathing, and shoot a handful of targets that are 50m away. And if you miss, you get penalized - either with time being tacked on to your run, or penalty laps, which seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

Like its predecessors on this list, it's not the most viewer-friendly event, but the unique skillset makes it, if nothing else, absurdly challenging. Are you a dominant cross-country skier, but have the aim of a Stormtrooper? Move along. Shoot like a young Clint Eastwood in the "Dollars Trilogy," but get winded after walking up a flight of stairs? Sorry, you're out of luck.

You have to excel in both tasks, and that counts for something.

Athletes to watch: Lowell Bailey (United States), Darya Domracheva (Belarus)

11. Luge

• Total disciplines: 4
• Marquee events: men's singles, women's singles

Now we're talking. Clark Griswold's event of choice* is one of the most hair-raising at the games, with athletes clocking in at speeds upward of 85 mph (just over 136km per hour) while they zoom down a serpentine sheet of ice. Like ski jumping, fearlessness needs to be an essential part of your repertoire as a luger.

Germany is expected to hoard luge medals at the Olympic Sliding Centre. Felix Loch is looking to capture his third consecutive gold in the men's singles event, while Natalie Geisenberger is the favorite to defend her title from Sochi 2014; the Germans are being tipped by many to win at least half of the 12 luge medals offered in South Korea.

*This is yet to be confirmed, but seems likely.

Athletes to watch: Felix Loch (Germany), Natalie Geisenberger (Germany)

10. Long track speedskating

• Total disciplines: 14
• Marquee events: women's 500m, women's 5,000m, men's 5,000m, men's mass start, women's mass start

If you dislike the color orange, don't watch any of the long track speedskating. The Netherlands is going to dominate - Sven Kramer, in particular, figures to make a couple of appearances on the podium.

Long track speedskating is also home to one of the most intriguing backstories of PyeongChang 2018; Erin Jackson, who is the first black woman to ever qualify for the U.S. Olympic long track speedskating team, only took up the sport full-time some five months ago.

"I've been an inline speed skater for 15 years," Jackson said after booking her place in South Korea via the U.S. Olympic Team Trials in January. "I came out to Salt Lake City for the first time in March, well, the end of February into March. Then I went back to inline for the summer and came back to Salt Lake in September, so it's been about four months combined."

That's badass. Erin Jackson forever.

Athletes to watch: Sven Kramer (Netherlands), Erin Jackson (United States), Kim Bo-reum (South Korea), Ted-Jan Bloemen (Canada), Nao Kodaira (Japan)

9. Curling

• Total disciplines: 3
• Marquee events: men's tournament, women's tournament, mixed doubles

Curling is fun! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you live outside of Canada, and aren't enamored with the idea of watching Kevin Koe and Rachel Homan's rinks blast through their respective fields en route to (likely) gold medals, at least tune in for the Olympic debut of *mixed curling.

*Canada is expected to take home the top prize in this event as well. Canada is really freaking good at curling. Sorry, world.

Athletes to watch: Niklas Edin (Sweden), Rachel Homan (Canada), Kevin Koe (Canada), Eve Muirhead (Great Britain)

8. Bobsled

• Total disciplines: 3
• Marquee events: two-man bobsleigh, four-man bobsleigh, women's bobsleigh

Outside of the remarkable athletic accomplishments that push the limits of the human body - and leave us regular, feeble humans in awe - the main selling point of the Olympics, like every sporting event, are the incredible stories behind the athletes. And women's bobsled, perhaps more so than any other event, is heavy on awesome narratives.

Thirty years after Jamaica's debut in Olympic bobsled - which, famously, inspired the film "Cool Runnings" - the Caribbean island nation is sending its first women's team to the games. They'll be joined by Nigeria, as a team comprised of former track and field athletes, led by driver Seun Adigun, holds the distinction of being Nigeria's first-ever Winter Olympic competitors.

Pardon the cheesiness, but, in the face of doping and corruption scandals, and the many social and financial issues that plague the Olympics every time it's staged, that's the type of feel-good story that makes this sporting spectacle worth watching.

Athletes to watch: Kaillie Humphries (Canada), Jazmine Fenlator-Victorian (Jamaica), Seun Adigun (Nigeria), Francesco Friedrich (Germany)

7. Ice hockey

• Total disciplines: 2
• Marquee events: men's tournament, women's tournament

Men's tournament: Look, not having NHL players at PyeongChang 2018 puts a damper on the quality of the tournament. There's no tiptoeing around that. No disrespect to the likes of Mason Raymond or Brian Gionta, but we could be watching Connor McDavid, Auston Matthews, and Alex Ovechkin. The men on the ice in South Korea are still among the best hockey players alive, obviously, but they're just not the best, and that's a letdown. That said - and this is going to sound very cliche - the forgotten crop of players in South Korea are likely getting their one shot at Olympic glory, so you know they're all going above and beyond to make their mark and grab the spotlight that's waiting to be seized - even if it's only for 15 minutes.

Women's tournament: Unless we get an upset of biblical proportions - which has only happened once in 23 major women's hockey tournaments throughout history (Olympics and World Championships) - Canada and the United States will renew their rivalry in the gold medal game on Feb. 21. We get a test run on Feb. 14, when the two meet in round-robin play. It'll be a predictable matchup, sure, but the longstanding animosity between the two teams makes their impending gold medal clash one of the most anticipated events on the docket in the coming weeks.

Athletes to watch: Pavel Datsyuk (Olympic Athletes from Russia), Rasmus Dahlin (Sweden), Marie-Philip Poulin (Canada), Amanda Kessel (United States)

6. Figure skating

• Total disciplines: 5
• Marquee events: men's singles, women's singles, pair skating

Plenty of people dislike figure skating, and that's fine. To each their own.

But, skipping out on the quadruple salchows and triple loops in PyeongChang means you'll be missing arguably the best rivalries of any competition. American Nathan Chen, 18, will go head-to-head with Japan's Yuzuru Hanyu, the defending gold medalist. Women's figure skating, one of the marquee events of the Olympics, will see Russian teenage sensations Evgenia Medvedeva and Alina Zagitova battle for the top prize.

If ice dance is your preference, Canadian flag bearers Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir will look to hold off Gabriella Papadakis and Guillaume Cizeron of France, who have the four highest scores in the history of the event.

Athletes to watch: Nathan Chen (United States), Yuzuru Hanyu (Japan), Adam Rippon (United States), Evgenia Medvedeva (Olympic Athletes from Russia), Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir (Canada)

5. Skeleton

• Total disciplines: 2
• Marquee events: men's skeleton, women's skeleton

Based on sheer fear factor, skeleton wins the battle of scary-as-all-hell sliding events. It's the ultimate adrenaline rush; think tobogganing, but on the best (Russian) steroids you can find - the sport, not the athlete, although sometimes ... yeah. The sales pitch for skeleton reads something like this: lie on a tiny sled not quite big enough for your entire body, and go roaring down an icy conduit at breakneck speeds that clock in upward of 75 mph. And if you don't slam violently into a wall, you get up and do it again. Sold?

Skeleton is actually slower than its counterpart, the aforementioned luge, thanks largely to a human's feet, pointed downward, being more aerodynamic than a big round helmet cutting through the air and creating drag. Science! Also, luge athletes are lying atop a sleeker sled; the luge sled sits on sharp steel blades, while the skeleton sled rests on duller, tubular runners.

But, while luge may be faster, the combination of the head-first stance and, crucially, the awesome leaping start makes skeleton the pick of the pair.

Athletes to watch: Martins Dukurs (Latvia), Yun Sung-bin (South Korea), Jacqueline Lolling (Germany)

4. Freestyle skiing

• Total disciplines: 10
• Marquee events: women's slopestyle, women's halfpipe, men's halfpipe, men's moguls

It's alpine skiing with wild jumps, flips, and spins, and it absolutely owns.

Athletes to watch: Mikael Kingsbury (Canada), David Wise (United States), Sandra Naslund (Sweden), Lydia Lassila (Australia)

3. Alpine skiing

• Total disciplines: 11
• Marquee events: women's slalom, women's downhill, men's downhill, men's super-G

A crown jewel of the Winter Olympics, alpine skiing boasts two of the biggest stars on show in South Korea: American Lindsey Vonn may be the most recognizable athlete at these games, while 22-year-old compatriot Mikaela Shiffrin is being tipped to claim a Michael Phelps-like medal haul.

Shiffrin is a bet-your-house kind of favorite in the slalom, and if she enters all the remaining four disciplines - downhill, super-G, giant slalom, and alpine combined - she could head back home to Vail, Colorado with a handful of hardware.

It would be an otherworldly accomplishment. This type of thing just doesn't happen; only 11 skiers in history - six women, and five men - have won a World Cup race in each of the five disciplines. Only a quartet of those have come in the same season. None have come at the Olympics, never mind a single Olympics. Yeah.

"I would like to compete in everything," Shiffrin said earlier this week. "I'm not sure if I will have the energy to do that."

Here's hoping she does.

Athletes to watch: Mikaela Shiffrin (United States), Lindsey Vonn (United States), Marcel Hirscher (Austria), Aksel Lund Svindal (Norway)

2. Snowboarding

• Total disciplines: 10
• Marquee events: men's halfpipe, women's halfpipe, men's snowboard cross, women's snowboard cross

For much of his career, the best halfpipe snowboarder to ever consume oxygen went by the moniker "The Flying Tomato," which is among the best nicknames ever; Shaun White's propensity to pull off something ridiculous at every opportunity is reason enough to watch the snowboarding events in PyeongChang.

If that doesn't sell you, the chance to watch 17-year-old American Chloe Kim, who is already a decorated X Games star, and counts a perfect 100 score among her already bloated list of accomplishments, should.

Looking for a feel-good story? Mark McMorris has you covered. The Canadian, one of the medal hopefuls in men's slopestyle, almost died last March when, while filming in the Canadian backcountry, he crashed horrifically and suffered the following injuries: fractured jaw, left arm, pelvis, and ribs; collapsed left lung; ruptured spleen. A spot on the podium would complete an incredible comeback nearly a year in the making.

Athletes to watch: Shaun White (United States), Chloe Kim (United States), Mark McMorris (Canada), Scotty James (Australia), Ayumu Hirano (Japan), Pierre Vaultier (France), Lindsey Jacobellis (United States)

1. Short track speedskating

• Total disciplines: 8
• Marquee events: men's 5,000m relay, men's 500m, men's 1,000m, women's 1,0000m

Sprinting. On ice. With crashes. And an unrivaled relay event. Short track speedskating is the premier Winter Olympic sport, and anybody who thinks otherwise can't be trusted.

South Korea's mastery of short track provides an added element of excitement and intrigue in PyeongChang; when the host nation has a legitimate medal contender, the event is always more enjoyable, whether you have a rooting interest or not. The Gangneung Ice Arena will be rocking throughout these games, which will only serve to make an already thrilling sport even more atmospheric.

Particularly when 21-year-old star Shim Suk-hee is on the ice.

A three-time medalist in Sochi 2014, Shim, one of the best short track skaters on the planet - she holds the world record in the women's 1,000m - was allegedly assaulted by a male coach last month, forcing her to leave training for two days just weeks prior to the Olympics. The coach was subsequently suspended.

Regardless of your Olympic allegiances, seeing Shim capture a medal in PyeongChang after such a harrowing experience is something everyone can root for.

Athletes to watch: Charles Hamelin (Canada), Sandor Liu Shaolin (Hungary), Wu Dajing (China), Shim Suk-hee (South Korea), Sjinkie Knegt (Netherlands), Elise Christie (Great Britain)

(Photos courtesy: Getty Images)