A child recently emerged from the film room, bleary-eyed after analyzing hours of game film, to share his steaming hot take on Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton with the world.
Writing in concise, declarative prose - obviously a Hemingway disciple - the child concludes that Newton is to blame for the Panthers' lack of success. Sort of.
A hot take on the Carolina Panthers from my son's elementary school newspaper. pic.twitter.com/uxzeurkcIl
— Jeff Atkins (@atkinsjeff) March 30, 2015
The text eventually descends into a nihilistic register in which the author concludes, "The Panthers were never a very good team." This is most likely a comment on the ephemeral nature of human existence as seen through our finite consciousness.
This child is obviously a genius.