New Year's resolutions for all 30 MLB teams

Well, it's officially 2018, folks - it couldn't come fast enough; 2017 was, to borrow the parlance of the Youths, trash - and that means it's time for New Year's resolutions, those obligatory, tenuous commitments to self-improvement that kick off each calendar year and last well into the second week of January. Maybe you've resolved to exercise more this year. Maybe you've resolved to drink less. Maybe you've resolved to call your brother who you never call and sort of feel guilty about it but also sort of don't. The point is, in 2018 (well, for the first week of 2018, at least) you're going to be better, dammit.

Naturally, all 30 Major League Baseball teams should be similarly motivated to get better, and so we've identified one resolution each club should make for 2018 - and if you're not reading this on the elliptical, well, you ought to be.

Arizona Diamondbacks - Be more consistent

As impressive as the Diamondbacks' turnaround was last season following a disastrous 69-93 finish in 2016, they weren't exactly a juggernaut away from Chase Field. No playoff team had a bigger disparity in 2017 between their home winning percentage (.642) and road winning percentage (.506) than the D-Backs, who managed an 83 wRC+ outside of Arizona - the same mark as the 64-98 Detroit Tigers. To compete with the Dodgers, in earnest, that has to improve.

Atlanta Braves - Stop bunting so much

In hindsight, we should've recognized a while ago that John Coppolella's regime wasn't to be trusted given that, in 2017, the Braves were tied for first in the majors with 79 sacrifice bunt attempts (for contrast's sake, the Philadelphia Phillies, another rebuilding National League club, attempted 44 sac bunts last year). After all, the alleged benefits of sacrifice bunting were debunked years ago. Expect the Braves to cut that nonsense out under Alex Anthopoulos.

Baltimore Orioles - Get something for Manny Machado

Effectively needing a miracle to make the postseason in 2018, the Orioles would be unwise to hold on to Machado past the trade deadline. It won't be easy convincing Peter Angelos, the club's famously willful owner, to authorize a Machado deal, but president of baseball operations Dan Duquette has to try, lest he watch his team's best player sign elsewhere next winter and receive only a 2019 draft pick as compensation.

Boston Red Sox - Make it past the ALDS

Two years in a row, now, the Red Sox have cruised to division titles. Over that span, they've won one postseason game. In 2016, Boston was swept by the Cleveland Indians in the American League Division Series before falling in four games to the eventual World Series champions in last year's ALDS. It's not like their roster is going to fall apart after 2018 - outside of Craig Kimbrel and Drew Pomeranz, they're not losing any major pieces next winter - but the core of this team is firmly in its prime, and with the Yankees rapidly reverting back into a juggernaut, it's time for the Red Sox to do something with all that talent, already.

Chicago Cubs - Trade Kyle Schwarber

This isn't an indictment of Schwarber, per se. It's just that there's nowhere for him to play on the north side of Chicago, where they don't get to use a designated hitter. Willson Contreras has supplanted him behind the plate, and Schwarber isn't an outfielder. Even if he could be a first baseman, that's not happening in Chicago. That said, Schwarber is still just 24, has four years of team control left, and managed a .903 OPS following his mid-season demotion to Triple-A last year - he could command something decent on the trade market.

Chicago White Sox - Keep Abreu to help with rebuild

This offseason has been much quieter for the White Sox, who dismantled their club and traded ace Chris Sale to the Red Sox last year. However, they were actively discussing another trade with Boston involving Jose Abreu. Chicago should keep the first baseman to help with the maturation process of their young core, which includes fellow Cuban Yoan Moncada, who is being mentored by Abreu. He'll be relied upon as a leader in the clubhouse.

Cincinnati Reds - Have one starter qualify for the ERA title

How poorly did the Reds' pitching staff fare in 2017, you ask? Well, their de facto workhorse, Scott Feldman, didn't come within 50 innings of qualifying for the ERA title. Understandably, expectations remain low for 2018, but given the glut of promising pitching talent the club has accumulated throughout its rebuild, it's not unreasonable to expect someone - be it Luis Castillo or Robert Stephenson or Tyler Mahle - to log at least 162 innings next year.

Cleveland Indians - Give Jason Kipnis a break

Earlier this offseason, Indians manager Terry Francona reaffirmed that Jason Kipnis doesn't have a position for 2018. He might be overthinking it, though. Yes, Kipnis endured a miserable 2017 season in which he was so consistently injured or inadequate that he actually lost his spot at second base late in the year. Over the five seasons prior, however, Kipnis was an All-Star twice and managed more WAR than all but six other second basemen, so it's not unreasonable to chalk up his rough campaign to the litany of hamstring and shoulder injuries he struggled through. He should be their everyday second baseman this year.

Colorado Rockies - Find a first baseman

Since 2015, the Rockies have received an astonishing -1.4 WAR from their first basemen, an uninspired bunch led by Mark Reynolds, Ben Paulsen, and, for some reason, Ian Desmond. And now, Reynolds - whose 30 homers in 2017 belied an underwhelming season - is gone, leaving Desmond as the club's tentative Opening Day first baseman. A team with legitimate postseason aspirations can't allow that to happen, seeing as Desmond, who managed a .701 OPS last season and owns a career 97 OPS+, has the offensive profile of a shortstop.

Detroit Tigers - Lose. A lot.

In 2017, the Tigers finally conceded, with Al Avila trading away core pieces (e.g. Justin Verlander, Justin Upton, J.D. Martinez) of a faded dynasty that had ended, in earnest, a couple years earlier. Fueled by that dismantling, the Tigers finished with the worst record in the majors and earned themselves the top pick in the 2018 draft. With their farm system still in disrepair, they need to do that again this season.

Houston Astros - Relax

The Astros just won their first-ever World Series, helping to revive a devastated city in the process, and they're bringing back virtually everyone from last year's roster in 2018. And make no mistake, it's an exceptional roster. Barring something unexpected, the Astros are going to cruise to a second straight division title, and if they can avoid putting undue pressure on themselves to repeat, they'll have a great chance at successive World Series championships, too.

Kansas City Royals - Don't re-sign Eric Hosmer

It's not hard to see why they would want to bring back Hosmer, a franchise stalwart who's only now heading into his age-28 season, but with an extended development (i.e. non-competitive) phase looming for the Royals - they just lost Mike Moustakas, Lorenzo Cain, Alcides Escobar, and Jason Vargas to free agency - the remainder of Hosmer's prime would be wasted in Kansas City. It just doesn't make sense, especially for a team with modest financial resources.

Los Angeles Angels - Stop hitting Albert Pujols cleanup

With all the shrewd moves Billy Eppler made this offseason to reposition the Angels into contention, it'd be wildly counterproductive for Mike Scioscia to continue slotting Pujols into the cleanup spot every day. No disrespect to Pujols - the dude is a first-ballot Hall of Famer - but he was the worst player in baseball last season, and with his remarkable lack of footspeed, he's a double play waiting to happen.

Los Angeles Dodgers - Stop blowing it

Since 2013, the Dodgers have averaged nearly 95 wins per season, earning five straight division titles over that span while grabbing their first National League pennant in nearly three decades this past year. And yet, somehow, they're a constant disappointment, routinely flaming out against inferior opponents in the playoffs, or, in the case of 2017, just straight up choking when it matters most (see: Games 2 and 7 of the World Series). That has to stop this year, especially with almost everyone from last year's 104-win team returning.

Miami Marlins - Operate in good faith

Only a few months into his new gig with the Marlins, Derek Jeter's credibility may already be beyond repair in South Florida, where the pain of losing Giancarlo Stanton in a "trade" that amounted to asset liquidation will linger for a long time. Whether that actually irks him is up for debate, but if Jeter genuinely wants to restore his image, the only thing he can do is start running the team in good faith rather than being nakedly motivated by Bruce Sherman's financial concerns.

Milwaukee Brewers - Get some timely hits

The Brewers took a major step forward in their rebuild last year, finishing with their best record (86-76) since 2011 and flirting with a wild-card berth until the final week of the season. Imagine what could've been had they gotten the occasional timely hit. With runners in scoring position in 2017, the Brewers managed the fifth-worst batting average in the majors (.239) and consistently failed to make quality contact, putting up a dreadful .299 expected wOBA. To get to the next level, they need to start delivering in high-leverage situations.

Minnesota Twins - Extend Byron Buxton

Last year, his modest .728 OPS notwithstanding, Buxton was worth 3.5 WAR, making him more valuable than Manny Machado, Robinson Cano, and Xander Bogaerts. With plus-plus speed and defense, even as a league-average offensive performer, Buxton is a star. If he takes a step forward, offensively - and his .893 OPS in the second half is reason for optimism - he's a superstar. Yes, he remains under team control through 2021 regardless, but the Twins should do everything in their power to lock Buxton up long term before he breaks out at the dish and prices himself out of a pre-arb extension.

New York Mets - Use common sense

In a season rife with embarrassing moments, no boner better epitomized the Mets' destructive lack of common sense than their decision not to insist Noah Syndergaard have an MRI on his sore bicep in late-April. Days later, the young right-hander was forced to exit his start due to a partially torn lat muscle, an injury that sidelined him until September. Blunders of that magnitude just can't happen at the major-league level.

New York Yankees - Trade Jacoby Ellsbury

Yes, the Yankees will have to eat most - if not all - of the money remaining on Ellsbury's contract (roughly $68 million) in order to move him, and that's only if they can convince him to waive his no-trade clause. Still, they should at least try, as the 34-year-old is largely redundant - he's probably only their third-best center fielder - and the opportunity cost of a roster spot wasted on a player with no role should be too high for a team with a legitimate shot at a division title.

Oakland Athletics - Finalize plans for new ballpark

As "shocked" as the Athletics were when Peralta Community College District decided earlier this month to kybosh the club's plans for a new downtown stadium, they can't let that disappointment derail their future. Finding a new home has to remain a top priority for the A's, who have played at the increasingly derelict Coliseum since 1968 and are now the only MLB team that still shares a facility with an NFL franchise.

Philadelphia Phillies - Tell Odubel Herrera to hurry up

Look, a lot of Herrera's idiosyncrasies are actually quite endearing, but for the love of God, just get into the box, guy. On average, Herrera took 29.3 seconds between pitches in 2017, longer than every qualified hitter except Marwin Gonzalez (who's deserving of scorn too, but, y'know, just won a World Series). Nobody needs a half-minute to adjust their batting gloves. Or they shouldn't, at least.

Pittsburgh Pirates - Re-evaluate Gregory Polanco

As they entertain forward-thinking moves like trading Andrew McCutchen and Gerrit Cole, the Pirates need to re-examine their commitment to Gregory Polanco, to whom they gave a five-year, $35-million extension in 2016. With nearly 2,000 big-league plate appearances under his belt, the likelihood of Polanco reaching his ostensible ceiling isn't great, and though he isn't yet a liability - he was worth 4.5 WAR from 2015-16 - he isn't a player to build around, either, if the Pirates are resetting. Last year, at 25, Polanco hit just .251/.305/.391 (81 OPS+) with 11 homers and a career-low eight stolen bases in 108 games.

San Diego Padres - Employ one recognizable starter

Thirteen pitchers started at least once for the Padres in 2017. Can you name three of them? Hell, I'll even give you one: Jered Weaver. Can you name two others? If you can, that's both impressive and sad, because their starting corps last year was, to put it mildly, anonymous. Rebuilds are tough, obviously, but you still have to give the fans some reason to come to the ballpark.

San Francisco Giants - Commit to a direction

In November, coming off a 64-98 season, Giants president of baseball operations Brian Sabean said they "don't have the time or the patience" to rebuild. That's all well and good, but two months later, their offseason strategy hasn't crystallized; adding a declining Evan Longoria, in isolation, doesn't accomplish anything other than put them in a position to get a less favorable draft pick in 2019. Understandably, they're afraid of blowing past the luxury-tax threshold again, but their roster still isn't good, and they're neither willing (or able) to do what it takes to field a winner in 2018 nor prepared to take their lumps to make a brighter future.

Seattle Mariners - Bring back Ichiro

Who better to counsel Dee Gordon on the nuances of the Safeco Park outfield than Ichiro, the 44-year-old Mariners legend who just happens to be a free agent following a three-year stint in Miami? Sure, Ichiro performed at below-replacement level in two of those three seasons with the Marlins, but it's not hard to see how his presence in the clubhouse could have both qualitative and quantitative value for his teammates, especially the younger ones, and his repatriation would be a massive PR boon for Jerry Dipoto, too.

St. Louis Cardinals - Move Waino to the bullpen

For the past two seasons, Adam Wainwright has been a comfortably below-average starter, putting up a 4.81 ERA (86 ERA+) and 1.44 WHIP across 56 starts (and a solitary relief appearance in 2017). The Cardinals, for what it's worth, didn't make the postseason in either of those seasons. Now, though, the Cardinals are poised to be a threat again, with newcomer Marcell Ozuna and a slew of young arms primed to thrust them back into the playoff picture. As such, with Luke Weaver, Jack Flaherty, Miles Mikolas, and maybe even Alex Reyes all ready to compete for starts, the Cardinals should bump Wainwright, their longtime ace, into a full-time relief role in 2018, a move that would not only beef up a depleted bullpen, but also allow the Cardinals to wring as much value as possible out of their most effective starters. (The last time the Cardinals used Wainwright out of the bullpen, incidentally, it worked out okay.)

Tampa Bay Rays - Don't trade Chris Archer

Clearly, the Rays are resetting for 2018, having traded away a franchise cornerstone in Longoria (with Alex Colome likely to be dealt in the near future), but they'd be wise to hang on to Archer, a two-time All-Star who remains under team control at exceptionally friendly rates through 2021. With an increasingly rich farm system, the Rays should be competitive again in the near future, and Archer is still firmly in his prime, managing 4.6 WAR in 2017 while setting a new career-high in strikeout-to-walk ratio (4.15).

Texas Rangers - Stop blowing late leads

If the Rangers want to make a go of it in the potential final season of Adrian Beltre's career, their bullpen has to shape up. In 2017, the Rangers' relief corps ranked second last in the American League in both ERA (4.76) and win probability added (-2.11), while their 40 percent inherited-runner score percentage was good for dead last in the majors.

Toronto Blue Jays - Stay healthy

Injuries so violently derailed the Blue Jays' 2017 season that Ryan Goins, a punchless utility infielder who was non-tendered earlier this winter, finished fifth on the club with 143 games played. Josh Donaldson, Russell Martin, Troy Tulowitzki, Devon Travis, and Steve Pearce averaged 82 games played between them, while Aaron Sanchez, the American League leader in ERA in 2016, was limited to eight starts due to recurring blister issues. Even with better depth players in 2018, the Blue Jays - a projected wild-card contender - will need dramatically improved health from their regulars to realistically compete for a playoff berth in Donaldson's final season before free agency.

Washington Nationals - Win the World Series

Obviously, the Nationals have been resolved to do this for years now, only to invariably flame out in the National League Division Series, but they're really on the clock in 2018 with Bryce Harper's free agency looming. The additions of Max Scherzer and Daniel Murphy in past offseasons were made to capitalize on Harper's last few seasons in Washington, but the former NL MVP still hasn't played an NLCS game. In fairness, the Nationals will still be fine when Harper leaves - Max Scherzer, Stephen Strasburg, Anthony Rendon, and Adam Eaton aren't going anywhere anytime soon - but barring a major pickup next winter, 2018 will likely afford them their best shot at a World Series for the next little while.