If LeBron could 'sign everybody,' what would a Cavs superteam look like?

The Cleveland Cavaliers are probably going to lose the NBA Finals. Only five teams in the history of professional sports have come back from a 3-0 deficit to win a best-of-seven series. Four were in the NHL, and as Charles Barkley will be sure to tell you, hockey isn't basketball.

A fortnight from now, LeBron James will be 3-5 all time in the Finals, the cavalcade of hot takes descending on northeast Ohio like a pall of acrid smog. "Three-and-five? Michael Jordan was 6-0" will be the root point of every single one of them.

Related: LeBron would 'try to sign everybody' if he were an owner

Shortly afterward, ensconced on a $2-million yacht off Ibiza on his annual summer vacation with close friends Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony, and Dwyane Wade, will this be where the incredible happens? Will this be where the seeds of the first true strike back at Kevin Durant's decision to join the Golden State Warriors are planted?

Cavaliers general manager David Griffin has been maligned by many as a puppet over the last three years. It's an unfair label, because even though making King James happy - which goes hand in hand with winning - is his No. 1 job, succeeding in doing that has been a challenge. It's not necessarily easy to make trades in the NBA, even if the Cavs are treating the salary cap like a doorman on the way to another multi-million dollar luxury-tax bill.

So, keeping that mind, Griffin will be ready when James gets off the boat (or calls from it) with these requests*. Let's get weird.

* - demands

Carmelo Anthony

Griffin calls Phil Jackson, hoping Zen is still so desperate to unload Anthony that he's still in the Jamal Crawford-Austin Rivers mindset. Perhaps Melo can help the cause here by publicly ripping Jackson a few days before, maybe using the picture of him on a bus as the basis.

Clearly, Griffin goes in low.

"Hey Phil, how about Iman Shumpert, Richard Jefferson, and Channing Frye for Melo?" he says, probably.

Basically, it's the triumphant return to MSG of Shumpert and Frye (they won rings), and the glorious return of Jefferson to the Tri-state area (he began his career with the New Jersey Nets).

Does Jackson scoff? Depends how mad he is at Melo about the bus thing. Yet for fun, let's not completely underestimate the New York Knicks president's executive abilities. You gotta think he holds out for Tristan Thompson.

Dwyane Wade

Wade is reportedly expected to pick up his $23.8-million option with the Chicago Bulls. Who could convince him to take approximately $20 million less and decamp for the shores of Lake Erie? The friend he trusts enough to order sea bass for him in restaurants. And this will be consummated on a boat (not a banana boat, but like a big yacht).

In seriousness, the Cavs have next to no wiggle room cap-wise. The contracts able to come off their books this summer - Kyle Korver, James Jones, Dahntay Jones, Deron Williams, Derrick Williams, and Edy Tavares - only total about $6.8 million.

Did Wade already leave about $25 million on the table thanks to James from their Miami Heat days? Of course. So what's $20 million more?

Chris Paul

Here's the hard part. Anthony can be obtained by fleecing the Knickerbockers. Wade at least has a history of sacrificing bank to win with James.

Paul on the other hand presents a conundrum: Why would the president of the National Basketball Players' Association - who helped negotiate the designated veteran player exception in the new CBA - turn down said $210-million supermax contract to go and play in Cleveland for much, much less?

That's a tough question, but it's obvious what James' response will be: winning. Surely he recalls Pat Riley's reputed habit of dumping his championship rings on a table at meetings, the multiple thuds more savage than Alec Baldwin's demeaning speech in "Glengarry Glen Ross."

Because James only has three rings, perhaps he could add some bars of gold he could say "are from Saturn" that "only winners of the Larry O'Brien Trophy get."

Your 2017-18 Cleveland Cavaliers

Ridiculous enough for you? Can Paul and Kyrie Irving co-exist? Isn't Kevin Love worrisome defensively as a center? Doesn't this move away from the Cavs' habit of surrounding James with shooters? Is a player like Melo really something the Cavs need?

All fantastic questions. But desperate, championship-free times require desperate, championship-chasing measures. Superteams must be fought with superteams. But then again, maybe this whole thing is completely farcical.

Or is it?