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The 2014 FIFA World Cup haters XI

Dominic Ebenbichler / REUTERS

For all of the beauty we saw over four weeks in Brazil, there was also a lot of trash. 

Listless, sloppy and downright bad, these players tried to ruin four years of waiting. Lionel Messi and the forces of good battled Eder and the forces of garbage.

Thankfully we made it through, but those who attempted to destroy this World Cup from the inside must be named and shamed. 

Presenting the 2014 FIFA World Cup haters XI. 

GK: Iker Casillas - Spain 

Jose Mourinho was right after all. The shock of the tournament came early, when the Netherlands destroyed Spain in Salvador. Casillas was awful, displaying the sort of skills that would get you banned from playground pickup games for life.  

In terms of garbage clowns, Casillas is easily the most decorated player on the haters XI. He's the captain. The leader of bad. 

DF: Pepe - Portugal 

The hair didn't fool anyone. Pepe is still Pepe: An ill tempered fool, cursed with the ability to kill his team's fortunes through a single act of stupidity. The Real Madrid defender made sure the prophecy was fulfilled against Germany when he headbutted Thomas Muller. Ronaldo's knee didn't die for this.

DF: Marcelo - Brazil 

The long con finally paid off. Marcelo spent years making sure nobody caught on, making 198 appearances for Real Madrid and playing well by most accounts. Finally, when the semi-final against Germany kicked off the 26-year-old revealed his shocking secret: He's terrible. 

DF: Juan Camilo Zúñiga - Colombia 

In one sense, getting an entire nation to call for your blood is pretty cool. I mean, he's got to be doing something right. In another sense, however, you ruined everything Juan. How could you do this to Neymar? Making children cry is not a good look. 

DF: Benoît Assou-Ekotto - Cameroon 

Famous for his wonderfully candid remarks on why he plays football (for the money), Assou-Ekotto made headlines in Brazil after head butting teammate Benjamin Moukandjo during Cameroon's 4-0 defeat against Croatia. Benoît Assou-Ekotto (BAE for short) before anything else. Now that is fitting. 

MF: Wesley Sneijder - The Netherlands 

The one thing holding back a wonderful Dutch team in Brazil was their most decorated midfielder. Sneijder's candid remarks after the Netherlands' loss to Argentina were especially poignant.  "I used to be with it, but then they changed what *it* was," said Sneijder. "Now what I'm with isn't *it*, and what's *it* seems weird and scary to me."

MF: Wilson Palacios - Honduras 

The term "Hatchet Man" best describes Wilson Palacios, who tried to coax Paul Pogba into a Zidane-like act during the group stage. On a team best described as a dumpster fire, Palacios was the man wielding the match. 

MF: Alex Song - Cameroon

Let's hope Alex Song was partaking in match fixing at the World Cup. At least that would explain his hilariously dumb attack on Croatia's Mario Mandzukic. 

On scale of 1 to 10, this is 12 Pepe's. 

FW: Rodrigo Palacio - Argentina 

Emails sent to lawyers haven't been returned, but we assume Rodrigo Palacio will be standing trial soon enough. Somebody needs to take a stand. 

FW: Eder - Portugal 

This was a fight between Konstantinos Mitroglou and Eder. The Portuguese striker won out in the end, proving levels of trash can be measured. Eder managed to revolutionize the forward position. Never before had we seen a man struggle to turn his hips with such frequency. Eder was us at home, sitting on our couch with a beer in hand. What a player. What a terrible, terrible player. 

FW: Luis Suarez - Uruguay 

Bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bit bi b (exhales) bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bite. 

Honorable mentions: Tim Krul (Netherlands), Igor Akinfeev (Russia), Fred (Brazil), everyone on England, Mario Balotelli (Italy), Fernandinho (Brazil), Paulinho (Brazil), Marc Wilmots (Belgium) and Konstantinos Mitroglou (Greece). 

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