Weird week in football: Fish and slips
Every Monday, theScore will highlight the most outlandish moments from the wacky, sometimes daft, and perennially entertaining world of European football. Here's what made us smile - or cringe - on the pitch this past week.
Another busy seven days are in the books, and, dazzling performances aside, it was a week that provided opportunities in education. Former Manchester United midfielder Park Ji-sung is off to university, while Willem II's Anouar Kali got a crash course in the benefits of video referee technology.
Real Madrid's bronzed beauty, Cristiano Ronaldo, learned a lesson in selflessness when taken off for tactical reasons against minnow Las Palmas, while Athletic Bilbao's Mikel Balenziaga got a tutorial in patience, bagging his first goal for the Basques after 10 years and 323 appearances. A weird weekend indeed.
If you got 'em, smoke 'em
Pity a fuming Emmanuel Adebayor, if you will, as his search for a club has become a parody of itself. The latest twist in his failed move to Lyon sees the former Arsenal and Tottenham striker in a tug of war of conjecture with an unnamed local journo and a club desperate for depth in attack.
Related: Adebayor denies he 'asked for a shot of whisky' at failed Lyon meeting
The Togolese international appeared poised for a Les Gones switch, only for news to surface that Adebayor was tardy to the party, and insisted upon meeting Bruno Genesio and Co. that he be afforded a shot of whisky in his coffee with Gauloises in tow.
Butts out for Douglas
Another player having trouble with butts is Sporting Gijon's Douglas, who was a question mark for Saturday's visit from his parent club Barcelona because of a "gluteal muscle" concern after sleeping funny on a four-hour bus ride.
Related: Gijon's Douglas overcomes glute injury to face parent club Barca
Thankfully for the Brazilian, he was able to shake off his bit of bottom bother to make a 13-minute substitute's appearance. Unfortunately for the oft-forgotten attacker, he was largely ineffective playing in Victor Rodriguez's stead behind the striker, as the Rojiblancos conceded a five-spot courtesy of the heroics of Luis Suarez and Neymar.
A curiously convenient goal gaffe
The setting: an Under-16 Asian Football Confederation Championship tilt between North Korea and Uzbekistan. Uzbekistan won the match to top Group D, advancing to face Iraq in the knockout stage, while the nation on the wrong end of a 3-1 scoreline finished second, booking a date with an easier opponent in Oman.
With that in mind, consider for a moment shot-stopper Jang Paek Ho's Benny Hill routine in conceding to his counterpart, Jasurbek Umrzakov, and the potential implications it had on the next round. Those two matches take place later Monday. Check the ticker.
Tale of Jonah highlights Derby's sinking ship
There was something else fishy closer to home at the Pride Park Stadium on the weekend, when one of Derby County's coaching staff was confronted by a man-eating mascot at halftime of Saturday's visit from Blackburn.
Seems this "Mackerel Jordan" has made a career of swallowing people whole - a trait Rams boss Nigel Pearson shares with the value-brand Vaudeville act. Rovers went on to win 2-1, as Derby sits third from bottom on six points from nine matches.