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Ray Rice: 'I almost felt like at one point it wasn't worth living'

Thomas Campbell-US PRESSWIRE

Former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice opened up about his past year in an exclusive interview with The Baltimore Sun's Aaron Wilson

Rice was suspended indefinitely and later released by the Ravens after a video surfaced showing the 28-year-old striking his wife, Janay Palmer in a casino elevator. Palmer was his fiancée at the time. 

The NFL was criticized for its relative inaction in handing Rice a paltry two-game suspension and he was later indefinitely suspended. 

After a year away from football, Rice spoke out on a number of topics in an extensive conversation released Saturday.

"Honestly, I almost felt like at one point that it wasn't worth living. I see why people commit suicide. It hurt that bad," Rice said in regards to the scandal. "I was low, real low. It hurt that bad because you worked your whole life to do all the right things and then you’re the world’s most hated person. It was tough. It was really tough. I got low to a place where I’ve never been."

Rice has yet to workout for or be contacted by another NFL team after he won his appeal to be reinstated in November. He said he'd play for any team that would give him a chance, including the Ravens' arch-rival Pittsburgh Steelers. 

"I'm optimistic that I’ll get a second chance," Rice said of his potential return to the NFL. "I don't think this boils down to whether I can play football or not. Obviously I know that. I just think there's so much more that comes with it. I know the PR side of it will be tough. I understand that. I just know that if a team that really truly genuinely looks at me and understood that this guy made a horrible mistake then they can structure a plan for me."

Throughout the interview, Rice reiterated that he still has a positive relationship and feelings towards Ravens general manager Ozzie Newsome and owner Steve Bisciotti. 

In spite of the assault, Rice said that his relationship with his wife is going well. 

"Me and Janay is doing good. My daughter and everybody it's kind of fitting to be able to spend Valentine's Day and kind of recall the year because that's 365 days of thinking about this weight on our shoulders," Rice said. "Every day gets better. We've had this on our back for 365 days and we've carried our luggage and we've handled it pretty good. 

"We actually had a quiet couple’s night. We went out a little bit. Sunday morning, it just felt good to get up, my daughter there, we just kind of lounged around. That was good enough for us."

Although Rice valiantly tried to display that he's changed since the incident, he admits that he may be the face of domestic violence for some. 

"It's tough, I realize that's a battle I’m going to have to face for the rest of my life," Rice said. "There's people who are stuck in one way and there's people who have a different approach of things. 

"My time in Baltimore I received more, 'We've got your back' and words of motivation than kicking a man when he's down. I feel like time heals everything. I think this issue is just a little different, but time does heal everything."

The former Ravens' running back said he reached his lowest point after the scandal and credited his family for helping him overcome the stigma of being associated with domestic violence. 

"Thank God for my faith, for my counselor, Dr. Ball, for my family, for my wife. Thank God for all of them because those are the people that I had to look at day to day. My daughter, oh Lord, I grew up without a father. There’s no way I could check out on my own family."

Rice's domestic assault prompted a renewed commitment from the NFL to take a stand against domestic violence. Only time will tell if Rice will get a second chance as he so desperately desires. 

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