Football, Futbol, Fußball, Calcio: The Weekend Review

Every week, we'll take a stroll through Europe to review the best - and worst - the top leagues on the continent had to offer. As always, there is plenty to discuss after a full slate of action.

Glorious goals. Glorious goals everywhere.

That was the story of the weekend throughout Europe, as goalkeepers were helpless against a number of goals that could very well hold up as the best of the season in their respective leagues.

Given that scoring is the topic du jour this week, it's only fitting that we begin with the man who does that more often than anyone else on earth.

The Storylines

Lionel Messi is coming for all your records

As is the natural order of things in Spain these days, whenever Cristiano Ronaldo does something of note, Lionel Messi answers (and vice versa).

The Real Madrid superstar is on an absolute tear early in the season, scoring 10 goals in his first six league matches. This weekend, though, it was his diminutive counterpart who stole the show, and the plaudits that come with it.

The Argentine notched his 400th and 401st career goals in the 6-0 drubbing of Granada on Saturday, a tally that should remind anyone who's forgotten just how lucky we all are to be witnessing this brilliant footballer in action each and every week.

(Courtesy: Imgur)

Athletic Bilbao legend Telmo Zarra, whose 251 goals are the most in La Liga history, will be supplanted shortly by the Barcelona superstar atop the list.

At just 27 years old, Messi's next venture will be to make sure nobody ever catches him. I like his chances.

Related: VIDEO - Lionel Messi scores 400th career goal

The Highlights

So, about those goals we were talking about ...

Hamburg vs. Eintracht Frankfurt (Bundesliga)

Lucas Piazon, just one of the army of players away from Chelsea on loan this season, has been dubbed for much of his career as the 'next Kaka.' It's a totally unfair expectation, of course, but perhaps not as ridiculous as it sounds.

Liverpool vs. Everton (Premier League) 

Phil Jagielka knows how to capture a moment. Down 1-0 in the Merseyside derby, in injury time, in front of the Kop, the Everton defender hushed a raucous Anfield with this thunderbolt.

Southampton vs. Queens Park Rangers (Premier League)

Not only did Graziano Pelle get on his bike, he built the damn thing himself. Assists from teammates? Who needs 'em!

Roma vs. Verona (Serie A) 

Mattia Destro channeled his inner Luis Suarez on Saturday, producing this gem of a goal that solidified the three points for the Giallorossi. A sweetly struck volley continues to be the best thing around.

(Courtesy: Meme Deportes)

The Lowlight 

Manchester City vs. Hull City (Premier League)

Eliaquim Mangala was an absolute colossus in his debut against Chelsea last week, forming what looked like an insurmountable partnership with Vincent Kompany at the heart of the City defense.

His second match with the club, however, didn't go nearly as well. 

He would go on to concede a penalty later in the half, flying in with one of the most ludicrous tackles you will see this season.

The Shocker

Albin Ekdal scores first career hat-trick as Cagliari hammers Inter

Inter are expected by many to push for the third and final Champions League place in Serie A this season behind Juventus and Roma. That could be an indictment on the state of the league more than anything else, but that's a discussion for another day.

On Sunday, Zdenek Zeman and Cagliari waltzed into the San Siro and reminded everyone just how large the gulf in quality is between the top two and everyone else in Italy.

Emboldened by a 26th-minute red card to Yuto Nagatomo, Cagliari used a first-half hat-trick from Swedish midfielder Albin Ekdal - who came into the match with just 5 goals in 137 career appearances - to cruise to a 4-1 win.

The Controversy

Is United better off with Wayne Rooney on the bench?

It's a debate that has picked up considerable steam in recent weeks, with many questioning whether the England captain fits the No. 10 role in Louis van Gaal's system.

We'll get a brief glimpse of United without its captain in the immediate future, as Rooney was sent off Saturday against West Ham for a downright idiotic tackle in the Red Devils' 2-1 win - after scoring a wonderful goal that put him third on the Premier League's all-time scoring list, no less.

During Rooney's suspension, expect to see Juan Mata occupy the hole behind Robin van Persie and Radamel Falcao. If the Spaniard performs well, the calls for Rooney to be stapled to the bench will only intensify.

The 1,000 Words

This is an amusing photo of Steven Gerrard, Liverpool's de facto holding midfielder. It's significantly funnier when you realize that he is actually trying to make a tackle here, and not posing for the camera.

The NFL was in England this weekend ...

Stray Thoughts

• Jurgen Klopp has shown his ability to adapt to difficult situations and player turnover in the past, but he will need some kind of magic to get Borussia Dortmund through its current injury crisis. It's early, but after six matches, the perennial Bundesliga power is languishing with just seven points - good for 12th place in the table.
• Speaking of injury concerns, Arsenal is once again running into problems, as both Mikel Arteta (calf) and, more importantly, Aaron Ramsey (hamstring) were substituted against Tottenham and are expected to miss at least the club's next two matches.
• The regression has begun for Aston Villa after an impressive (read: lucky) start to the campaign saw them pick up points without doing all that much to earn them. The crash down to earth is going to come hard and fast.
• Marseille manager Marcelo Bielsa may be a nightmare for his club's PR team, but you can't argue with his results on the pitch.
• Raphael Varane showed once again that he is significantly better than Pepe, and should be starting for Real Madrid alongside Sergio Ramos.
• Remember when it was fun to make snide remarks about Carlos Tevez and laugh at Juventus for signing him? He has six goals in as many matches this season. 
• The fair play award for the week goes to Paderborn striker Stefan Kutschke, who convinced an official to rescind a yellow card to Borussia Mönchengladbach's Christoph Kramer after admitting that the latter did not commit a foul that had been called against him.