The Footy Power Rankings - March 2: Barcelona at No. 1, Wolfsburg keeps climbing

No time to waste. Let's get to it.

Note: No tables this week due to a technical issue. They'll be back soon. (I know I said this last time as well. They're coming back. Honest.)

1. Barcelona (2nd in La Liga)

Previous Rank: 1st

They only defeated Manchester City 2-1 in their Champions League match last week, and then had the gaul to concede a goal to Granada in Saturday's 3-1 victory.

On a serious note, following Real Madrid's draw with Villarreal on Sunday, Barca is just two points adrift of top spot in La Liga. They're lurking.

2. Bayern Munich (1st in Bundesliga)

Previous Rank: 2nd

The numbers from Bayern Munich's last four matches read as follows:

• 3 wins
• 1 draw
• 18 goals scored
• 1 goal conceded

Woof.

The Bundesliga race is akin to last week's llama chase - also known as the greatest spectacle in Internet history. Except here, the llama just trots happily along forever and is never caught. Wolfsburg, fun as they may be, are severely lacking is lasso skills. 

3. Real Madrid (1st in La Liga)

Previous Rank: 3rd

It's almost like injuries to crucial players will greatly impact a team's success. Even ones as deep and talented as Real Madrid. Who knew?

4. Chelsea (1st in Premier League)

Previous Rank: 4th

Mr. Mourinho, your team plays uninspired, cynical football and relies solely on the brilliance of Eden Hazard and the vision of Cesc Fabregas to craft openings. You employ a boorish striker whose mastery of the dark arts makes him the most hated man in the Premier League, and who (probably) wouldn't help an elderly woman if her purse was stolen right in front of his eyes. 

Your mind games with the media and whining about officials is a drawn out, transparent ploy, and you're no genius for playing Kurt Zouma in midfield in the Capital One Cup final - even though you think you are.

How do you respond to these charges?

Case dismissed.

5. Juventus (1st in Serie A)

Previous Rank: 6th

If you're not already aboard the Alvaro Morata bandwagon, it's too late.

Maybe you can hang onto the bumper or something, but all the seats are taken.

6. Atletico Madrid (3rd in La Liga)

Previous Rank: 5th

Do you have a moment to talk about the wondrous talent that is Antoine Griezmann? 

7. Manchester City (2nd in Premier League)

Previous Rank: 7th

Manchester City are still really good at this whole football thing. Don't let defeats to Barcelona - arguably the best team on earth - and Liverpool, who scored two miraculous, long-range goals in their 2-1 win, convince you otherwise.

Good? Good. Now, to the important issues. Yaya, what colour is the dress?

He's wrong, by the way. White and gold forever.

8. Wolfsburg (2nd in Bundesliga)

Previous Rank: 9th

Oh look, I found a photo of Bas Dost.

Seriously though, this is getting ridiculous.

He can't have the coolest name in the sport and be scoring every time he shoots the damn ball. Leave some cake for everyone else, dude.

9. Porto (2nd in Primeira Liga)

Previous Rank: 10th

And the Oscar for best performance by an actor in a supporting role goes to ... Jackson Martinez, for this assist to Cristian Tello in Sunday's 3-0 victory over Sporting Lisbon.

10. Arsenal (3rd in Premier League)

Previous Rank: 8th

Madonna was in London last week, which is fitting because her performance at the BRIT Awards went about as well as Arsenal's Champions League showing against Monaco at the Emirates.

I can't tell if that's Madonna falling off a stage or Per Mertesacker trying to defend a counter-attack.

11. Benfica (1st in Primeira Liga)

Previous Rank: 12th

Undefeated in five league matches, the Eagles just waxed Estoril 6-0 to maintain their four-point lead over Porto at the top of the table.

12. Paris Saint-Germain (2nd in Ligue 1)

Previous Rank: 11th

This is the most infuriating team in Europe. Talent abound and led by demi-god Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Paris Saint-Germain has an annoying affinity for draws - four in their last six matches following Sunday's goalless match against Monaco.

You're allowed to win, guys.

13. Liverpool (5th in Premier League)

Previous Rank: NA

Not to alarm anyone, but I have a very important message: Liverpool. Is. Coming.

Two points out of a Champions League place. Look out, world.

14. Bayer Leverkusen (4th in Bundesliga)

Previous Rank: 15th

Roger Schmidt's men have bounced back nicely from a string of poor results to capture two consecutive wins, including a very impressive 1-0 triumph over Atletico Madrid in the first leg of their Champions League tie last week.

More importantly, Schmidt showed that he might be the only human on earth with the courage to exchange unpleasantries with noted madman Diego Simeone.

When the robots begin to take over the world, I want Schmidt leading the human resistance. Hakan Calhanoglu can be his second-in-command.

15. Borussia Dortmund (10th in Bundesliga)

Previous Rank: NA

Don't look now, but once relegation-threatened Dortmund are just eight points out of a Champions League place. 

It's not an insignificant gap, but would anybody be surprised to see Batman and Robin Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Marco Reus lead them on a late-season surge into the top-four?

They're still very good, as witnessed by their 3-0 win over Schalke this past weekend. What does it look like when a team gets absolutely steamrolled? Something like this:

Dropped Out: Southampton, Manchester United

On the Cusp: Roma, Napoli, Lyon