In Conversation w/ Tim Tebow's Arm

He's attached to one of the NFL's fastest rising young players, some say he gets too much credit for his team's success, while others believe he's guided by God when it matters most. He's Tim Tebow's left arm, and this is our exclusive interview with one of 2011's most talked about body parts. 

Scott Lewis: It's been a big year for you. You played a role in helping the Denver Broncos reach the playoffs after taking over the starting gig. Despite an 0-3 finish to the season, the Broncos are back in the post-season for the first time since 2005. It's been an interesting ride, what to you stands out as one of the most difficult things to deal with from the 2011 season?

Tim Tebow's Left Arm: Oh, that's easy. The hate.

SL: It's fair to say you've been a polarizing appendage. Even with your role in the six-game win streak and a playoff berth, there's still a large faction of detractors that say you can't get it done in the NFL. How do you deal with the criticism?

TTLA: It's not about the criticism, it's about the disrespect I get when I'm not even the one calling the shots.

SL: What is it that makes you feel disrespected?

TTLA: It's the vitriol you media types spew towards me no matter the outcome of a game. We win, it's I "didn't throw enough and the defense saved us" and we lose and it's I'm "not an NFL arm". Tim's legs get all the love, even if I'm finding one of these wide receivers in the end zone in the dying minutes. Tim's apprehension or the fact that his synapses may not be all that quick on the draw get off easy.

SL: Some will say the Broncos got lucky with great defense and just barely backed into the post-season. You completed just eight passes in two games versus the Kansas City Chiefs, your completion rate on the season was just 46.5%. Would you say that some of the commentary on your ability is just?

TTLA: Again, you might have to talk to Tim about that. It's not my fault he uses me to throw passes like he's trying to impress a Mosquito baseball coach. You or anyone else doesn't see the amount of work I've had to put in away from the game. Not a day goes by where I'm not flipping through a playbook or a prayer book. And what's my reward?

SL: Well you've earned a starting job in the NFL...

TTLA: Yeah, but at what cost? I've never even had a chance to find out what it feels like to be wrapped around a woman in the throes of passion. Even when you guys are offering praise, it's not without some backhanded comment or disrespect. Take for instance when CBS compared my throwing style to Tom Brady's. They reversed the image to make it look like I was a right arm. I'm getting texts from Tim's jersey after the game saying, "did you see what they did to us? I look like a backwards 51." I'm left with nothing but Skip Bayless and a bunch of gooned up fans at Applebee's in my corner. 

SL: Is it difficult to deal with Tim's outspoken views on religion and all of the baggage that comes along with that?

TTLA: Oh, absolutely. He really believes that his approach is genuine, but I think he has a hard time understanding why some people are turned off by it. It's unfortunate he never lets me flip anyone off, because I've certainly wanted to. 

SL: What's your relationship with Tim's feet and legs like?

TTLA: It's mostly good. We like to rib each other now and then. If Tim's having one of those games where he puts me away for extended periods of time, I usually hear it from the guys down below when we get home. Those are the days when I might overlook some toe jam or only go half-ass on the exfoliation when we're getting cleaned up.

SL: Let's finish up with some rapid fire.

TTLA: Go.

SL: Toughest teammate?

TTLA: Von Miller's right hand.

SL: Most under appreciated teammate?

TTLA: Other than me?

SL: Yes.

TTLA: Matt Prater's right foot.

SL: If you weren't attached to Tim Tebow, whose left arm would you be?

TTLA: It'd be cool to be out of the spotlight as Phillip Rivers' left arm... maybe religious era Deion Sanders. Part of me would want to try something completely different, like working with Sam Hurd. 

SL: Peer you're most afraid of?

TTLA: Mike Vick's left arm. He's one guy I'm happy to let the right hand shake if our beings ever crossed paths. 

SL: Thank you, Tim Tebow's left arm. It's been a pleasure to sit down with you. Good luck in the playoffs.

TTLA: Thanks.

Tebow-to-Brady comparison image via 30fps