Cutler, Cavallari Get Engaged

As you may have heard, that bastard Jay Cutler has decided to make things official with my dream girl, reality TV star Kristin Cavallari. Sadly, distance and restraining orders kept KC and I apart, but I know that given a chance I could have won her away from that pretty boy.

Now, I'll have to wait at least eighteen months before their marriage starts to fall apart. 

To mourn what could have been, here's some footage of the future Mrs. Cutler being hot.

(Future Mrs. Cutler, ugh. It even looks wrong on the screen. Fuck you, Cutler. I shake my fist at you.)